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Justin Bieber is the Rockstar We've All Been Waiting For

No one else in music has stared into the butthole of an endangered baby snow leopard.
Ryan Bassil
London, GB

One day, Liam Gallagher’s stream of consciousness will be exhausted as a revenue outlet for the music press and on that day the world will look to a new mouthy rockstar to shout at, criticise, and generally add a shade of Technicolor to our monochromatic lives. But, who’s going to stand up to the test? Dave Grohl is busy leading sensible key notes at worldwide media events, Radiohead are all old men arguing about computer software and the recent crop of guitar bands - Bastille or The 1975 let’s say - are less opinionated than an indifferent teaspoon.


Whether you like him, you beliebe in him, or you devote your free time to informing the rest of YouTube why he’s the worst thing to happen to music, it cannot be disputed that Justin Bieber is that rockstar. While other youngsters his age are still figuring out how to make spaghetti bolognese without their mother’s help, Bieber is using his net worth of $130 million to buy pet monkeys, get away with punching photographers and generally ignoring all the good manners he learnt in Disney-tween abstinence camp. He is the global music scene's new bad boy and he’s dripping in swagu.