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Music

Perfume Genius: Too Bright for "Gay Panic"

This guy's got his sights set on soundtracking a CW show...

Perfume Genius’ Mike Hadreas makes the kind of music that’s primed to soundtrack teen shows on the CW. The 33-year-old singer-songwriter has tackled everything from sexual relations with a teacher to substance abuse, body image issues, and homophobia over the course of three albums. Every time his music hits with the same pinpricking intensity as a teenager going through heartbreak for the very first time.

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But on his latest album, the winkingly titled Too Bright, even though the themes and result are the same as his previous offerings, they’re delivered with more complexity. There’s still the twinkling ballads he’s become known for (“I Decline,” “Don’t Let Them In”), but they’re stripped-down glimmers sprinkled throughout an otherwise dense, shadowy, rhythmic, and at times menacing (“My Body,” “Grid”) album.

Hadreas’ new sound is due to a few different things: Too Bright marks the first time that he worked with producer Adrian Utley of Portishead; it was Hadreas’ way of giving the finger to both the “gay panic” and industry insiders who suggested he commit to a softer, piano approach; and it was natural evolution as Hadreas gained more confidence as an artist. “I didn’t really feel like a musician for a long time so I didn’t want to sound like I was trying to be one. I’m very proud of this album,” he says over the phone.

For all of the rage and pain that Hadreas channels in his songs, he’s remarkably light-hearted in conversation, laughing off his former addictions, his annoyances with the world, and how he dreams to finally soundtrack one of the CW’s shows.

The last time we talked, you said that you wanted to talk about your sexual orientation but didn’t want to make it a big deal about it. It seems like you’re being more forthright about it on this album. Was there one incident that changed your mind or did it happen naturally over the past two years?
Before I was really worried about what other people thought. But I feel a sense of duty in some ways to talk about these things. It’s been helpful to me and I’ve gotten letters and talked to people after shows. Last time it was more helpful for me to be patient and gentle about how I’m processing things. Right now I needed a puffed up chest about it and finger wagging.

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There’s a danger, whenever you make something gay-themed, that it will be too gay or not gay enough. That just happens when there’s not enough to pick from. When you don’t have enough options, everything has to be everything to everyone.

Do you want to become more of a public figure?
I want to have a bigger audience—I just want to do it in my way. I’m getting older too and me and my boyfriend want to get a little house. I still want to be successful but I’m going to do it naturally.

How old are you now?
I’m 33.

That’s not old!
[Laughs] Well no but it’s older than I used to be. I guess I’m just thinking about things I never had thought about before.

Photo by Luke Gilford

Like what?
Oh shit. Well I’ve never taken care of myself before [laughs]—I don’t eat well, I don’t exercise, I smoke a lot, I drink a lot of Diet Coke. I’ve been sick a lot of my life and had health problems that I’ve smoothed over with stuff. Now I’m sort of left with all of these things. I want to be more healthy but it’s difficult. A lot of the things I’d have to change, I really don’t want to. I really just don’t feel like it. I’ve realized how much of a big baby I am and how irresponsible I am with my insides.

But it seems like you’ve made some really significant steps forward over the past four or so years.
Well yeah, I quit drinking and doing drugs. But I do a lot of really weird night eating and I addictively do a lot of other unhealthy things.

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Do you think you’ve started taking better care of yourself since your music has gotten more exposure?
If I really thought about it, I do. But I’m always fairly anxious and in my own head so I never give myself a chance to be present and look at how I’ve changed. I don’t notice things until way after the fact. I’m paying my own rent and I’m still with my boyfriend and I haven’t been drinking or doing drugs—in the end that becomes an excuse because those things are good so I don’t think I need to change anything else.

Some people, myself included, need anxiety for daily motivation.
I think so too. I definitely don’t need depression at all. That has never been helpful. Nothing has come from it. But as far as a manic moodiness that I have, I think it’s helpful because I end up thinking more about things. I always worry about that: If I was more content, would I have anything to say? I think I would. I’m not going to keep myself down because I want to make sad music or whatever. Some of the saddest things I’ve ever written, when I look back, were made when I was at the best place I had been for a long time.

Photo by Angel Ceballos

What kind of place were you in when you were writing this album?
It’s hard to talk about because I don’t want to seem so dramatic. A lot of my circumstances have gotten much better—like we were talking about—and I should be in a better place than I’m at emotionally and mentally. I almost needed little exorcisms [like songs] because I had nowhere else to put this generalized anger. I was putting it into fighting with my boyfriend and yelling at people on the street when they cut me off [laughs] but that’s not very helpful. I was trying to process these manic, icky feelings that I still have about my body and who I am that I just can’t shake. I’m also always on guard and expect the world to be against me. A lot of the times it is but sometimes I have my guard up for no reason and I’m walking around ashamed and apologetic for little ol’ me.

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There’s something kind of badass and fun for me to say things like I’m an icky person in “My Body” and say that basically I’m a slut and yell it at somebody [laughs]. I’m not just telling the truth about myself, I’m telling it at somebody and there’s something liberating about that.

What are some of the body issues that you’ve dealt with?
Oh jesus, you know all of them. I don’t really like the way my body looks, to the point where I hadn’t really ever looked at it. While I was doing this album, I had to go to my brother’s wedding and get a suit and while I was trying on suits, I realized I hadn’t looked at my body for a really long time or knew how it looked like. I usually just wear really giant shirts because I’m more comfortable doing that.

I have Crohn's disease and I was in the hospital a lot for that while growing up. I’ve had a lot of tiny little health problems all the time in my life, all inner connected to that. I’ve been on a lot of medications that give you side effects and then you have to take medications for the side effects of those. I’m not taking anything right now but that can kind of twist you up. It’s an embarrassing thing to think about how you look.

Was it liberating then to shoot the video for “Queen” where you’re wearing a gold tank top, white pants, and heels?
Yes, because I didn’t go into that video thinking I was going to wear that. They thought it’d be a good idea for me to wear this skin-tight thing and I was like, “Uhhhh.” But then I did it and, looking back, I look alright. It’s so weird how twisted you get. I have these very specific rules for how things are supposed to look at me but they’re not the most flattering. It’s just what I have in my head that’s okay.

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On this album, you really know when you’re moving from one song into another because they’re all so different. Was that the intention?
I was scared when I went in because a lot of the songs are so different and I was worried it’d sound bipolar. There’s still some quieter, piano stuff in there but the way that it was recorded—without a bunch of plugins—was done very old school. It was all analog which was weird for me at first but I think that’s what led to everything sounding cohesive. Even though the songs are all different, they were treated the same way. When I write, I’m trying to figure out where I fit.

Are you still figuring it out?
Yeah, it would be kind of came if I figured it out completely. I don’t think I would do anything else after that. I would just hang out and watch “Gossip Girl”—which got really bad. Did you ever watch it?

Yeah, I was a big fan until they went to college—then it went downhill.
Yep, that’s what happened. I was really into it and after the second season I just stopped caring. God I hate Serena. I usually like the people that everyone hates but I really dislike her. She’s unbearable.

Do you have any desire to get your songs on a teen show?
Big time. I’m really into the CW. I watch all of the shows. I love teen shows because they’re so romantic and they say “I love you” back and forth,“ sometimes over and over. I like that because it’s sweet and heartwarming, even if it’s kind of silly. “Dark Parts” was in a Major League Baseball commercia, l but I guess the lyrics weren’t there.

Was that an exciting moment for you?
Um, no [laughs]. I would have been more excited if it was in “Gossip Girl.”

Marissa G. Muller hopes to one day hear Perfume Genius' music on the CW. She's on Twitter - @marissagmuller.