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Curl Up and Cry With Wet Ones

These Kansas City punk vets aren't so much concerned with upping the ante as they are challenging mild indifference.
January 24, 2015, 3:00pm

Wet Ones are the product of several band implosions that occurred in the American Midwest throughout 2014. Zach and Justin were in All Blood, before that all ended in a drug-fueled fistfight at a show. Their last. Kenneth, who also played in Fag Cop and Spread Eagles, was in a band called Wayne Pain & The Shit Stains, who despite having a ripper name, also broke up, albeit in a less senataional manner.

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With a CV that also includes Mouthbreathers, and Rooftop Vigilantes, it would be fair to say that among them, the members of Wet Ones have played in every shitty bar and semi-secret "ask a punk for the address" house party in the Kansas and Missouri area. The punk rock along with high levels of cheap alcohol are in their blood.

They’ve just got a new cassette that has song titles such as "Get Me Off!" and "Simulator." It sounds pretty loose. They are putting it out themselves because that’s what true punks do.

We had a chat to Kenneth about Wet Ones and their music.

Noisey: Is Wet Ones related to Kansas City's collective Kleenex box after the Royals lost the World Series?
Kenneth: Sports sucks.

As far as Missouri punk goes, Lumpy and the Dumpers and associates seem to be holding St Louis down. How does KC compare to STL?
Kansas City has a lot of good bands, that always break up, and new cool shit rises from the ashes. Phantom Head is about to play their first show, I've heard the demos, they rip. Kool 100's just put out a killer seven-inch. The most frightening band is Beta Boys. The list goes on. The Cardinals didn't make it to the World Series.

You have all played in a long line of dumb and loud punk bands. What sets Wet Ones apart?
Collective cock length and the fact that we can piss the furthest.

Is “Waaaaah Waaaaah Waaaaah” about any crybaby in particular?
No. It’s about sleeping in the trash and getting a fucked up rash. What are your plans for the rest of 2015?
To play Goner Fest.

Their self-released tape with dowload is available now.

Wet Ones play the Mini Bar in Kanas City Jan 24 with the Sucettes (ex-Box Elders), Phantom Head (ex-Burial Teens) and Arc Flash.