These Are the Best Minions Remixes on the Internet

Photo via BOTCASH on Soundcloud

There is a force in the world that grows more powerful everyday, feeding off consumerism and hydrating with a tall glass of capitalism. Everywhere you go you’re surrounded by them. You can never escape them; trying to is futile. I’m of course talking about: the Minions.

Unless you’ve been living in a cave somewhere without wifi, you’ve heard of the Minions and are uncomfortably familiar with their presence. But, if you still, somehow, don’t know what a Minion is, they are the yellow, semi-anthropomorphous, talking globs who are most famous for their role in Despicable Me. They speak in their own language, which is littered with sporadic english words like “butt,” and they only eat bananas. They are visual representations of childlike glee and anyone who hates them is a coward.

Slowly, over the past five years, Despicable Me turned into Despicable Me 2, which turned into Minions. With that latest project, the small, yellow bundles of joy have grossed nearly an estimated $1 billion, and Despicable Me 3 is set to debut in 2017. They are the perfect representation of our consumerist society because they mean nothing, yet, since everyone has formed an opinion about them, they mean everything. With ubiquity comes oversaturation and with oversaturation comes memes, typically in the form of an unrelated message printed over a picture of a Minion that’s been run through 1738 different filters. That’s how the internet functions in 2015.

In fact, I would go so far as to say the Minions are the most memed cultural event of 2015, even though I have no data to back that statement up. They’re the perfect mixture of recognizable and polarizing for irony bros and moms on Facebook alike. Text by itself isn’t funny; however, when you add a picture of Minion doing literally anything? [Airhorn] Banger.

Being the well-respected investigative journalist I am, I typed “minions remix” into the Soundcloud search bar and found a veritable pantheon of bangers and slappers begging to be unearthed. The Minions essentially function as an Ableton starter kit with their high-pitched voices and gobbledygook noises begging for a snare here and a sick drop there. In order to document the culture, I compiled only the upper crust, the crème de la crème, the bees knees of what Soundcloud production has to offer. So, without further ado, I present: the best Minions remixes on the internet.

The audacity of BOTCASH to take the Minions signature food item, the banana, and flip it into an EDM festival song. Truly takes some bravery, if you know what I mean. And consider this: BOTCASH made this in 2013. Talk about ahead of its time.

It is baffling just how many remixes there are on Soundcloud. Not just of the Minions, but in the actual world. Think of how many slappers you will never get to hear in your lifetime.

Sorry if that was a little morbid. I didn’t mean to cause anxiety the literal second song in, but there is just so much we will never get to experience in our time here on earth. It’s in times like these that I remember this classic Minions quote: “Dream the most wonderful thing, if you can achieve it.”

I can’t believe we live in an era where anyone with a controller and a MacBook Pro can take something as simple as a cartoon character saying “banana” and turn it into a house chune. It's beautiful.

I’m for real crying at the amount of Minions remixes there are on Soundcloud. Honestly how are there so many people putting together these songs? And better yet: How are so many of them actually good?

At some point someone will look back on their life and the definitive moment will be having their Minions remix featured on Noisey. In that respect, I’m somewhat of a hero.

When I originally began looking up all these Minions remixes, I never thought I would be heralded online for changing someone’s life. But you never know—my simple article about Minions remixes could lead to someone getting a record deal.

Seriously, anything can happen in this world and what if someone’s big break is me, Alex Hancock, discovering their Minions remix deep within the catacombs of Soundcloud? I think I deserve some sort of writing credit on their next Big Hit.

Who knows: Maybe I could parlay this article into voicing a minion in Despicable Me 69 when that eventually comes out. That would be nice. If anyone reading this has the contact info for the Minions could you tweet it to me?

You know what? Maybe that’s what the Minions are all about: bringing people together. We spent all this time searching for meaning when the meaning was right in front of us. Funny how that works.

Nothing is sacred.

Alex Hancock is a despicable meme. Follow him on Twitter.