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An American Reviews Every Diss Track from the Western Canada Rap Beef

We asked Bootymath to join in on the beef that's tearing apart Western Canada.

Photo via Madchild's Instagram

The beef that’s erupted between Madchild and Snak the Ripper is easily one of the most exciting thing to ever happen to Western Canada’s hip-hop scene, and has made almost everyone in Canada choose a side as a result. Are you a Battle Axe Warrior, or are you one of the Stompdown Killaz? Regardless of who you ride for, you need to appreciate the fact that ten songs came out from all camps in less than a week, a salvo we wished would take place when the Drake and Meek—or for that matter any hip-hop beef—had started. With so much on the line and since all of Canada has already pledged allegiance to one camp of the other, we decided to bring in a third party to rank all of the songs released.

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Bootymath of Awful Records has an ear for bad music, which makes him the perfect candidate for this task. We sent him all of the songs released by Madchild and Snak, as well as the songs from some of the ancillary characters. After all was said and done, what gang does Bootymath want to join? “That Fatal Attraction song was definitely the hardest one, that beat is so funny,” says Bootymath. “The Brevner diss was terrible though.”

Snak The Ripper- "Assisted Suicide"

Any time the first line of a diss song is an assurance of authenticity I push it into the part of my brain that keeps me from exercising or buying paper towels. Telling me that you don’t want publicity from a rap beef initiation is like telling me how much you don’t mind seeing your ex succeed. It’s like a shitty car that breaks down at the intersection of “I don’t care bruh” and “Bruh stop lying”. Snak the Ripper’s talking points revolve around Madchild’s expensive taste, drug use, and loneliness. Somebody get this guy a copy of Dirty Sprite 2.

Brevner- "Waterloo"

I’m sensing that Brevner is upset. It’s hard to tell because for some reason he fails to threaten Madchild’s life even once in seven entire minutes. You had 420 seconds (the stoner’s minute) and you couldn’t talk about cutting off his ass cheeks or pushing his friends off their bikes? You even shot the video in a tunnel reminiscent of Gaspar Noe’s “Irreversible” and you didn’t make a single joke about having sex with Madchild’s girl. This is really sad. You know what else is sad? Those leftover struggle spaghetti braids. I’m going to watch some Vietnam footage to cleanse my pallet.

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Madchild- "The Funeral"

Thank god Madchild delivers on this track. He asserts my sentiments that Snak The Ripper sounds like a torn up butt-hurt speed stick rapper when he makes fun of people for being stylish and depressed (such is the creative force fueling many of my favorite artists). He even borrows a popular Drake jab at 3:38 and christens it with his “I eat lit cigarettes voice”. Again, I am confused as to why these guys use sobriety as their Al Sharpton podium move. Is that a Canadian thing?

Snak The Ripper- "Child Abuse"

Snak is back again to show us that he definitely has the worst taste in video locations. This time however, he really purples Madchild’s nurple. Do all Canadian rappers have tonsil stones made out of fucking thumbtacks or is it a style choice to sound like this? Anyway, he says some stuff about Madchild’s mom and makes some low-level meme attempts that would bounce off of an American 12 year old and disintegrate.

Tre Nyce- "#SADCHILD"

This beat needs to go figure out who it is. This beat left my family to be with another woman. This beat change more than Roger from American Dad. This beat made me lose my keys in my own pocket. This beat left the fridge open and fell asleep on the couch. Tre Nyce has the voice of an angel. Get this shit out of here.

Madchild- "Fatal Attraction"

My brain hurts. Why did Madchild bring all of Avenged Sevenfold to his video shoot? I can’t focus on the lyrics because I’m trying to see if any of these guys were extras in American History X. I’m trying to say American as many times as possible. This beef is dryer than printer paper. I could replace elevator music with this and nobody would notice.

Snak The Ripper- "Triple Homicide"

We arrive at the latest effort from Snak. Complete with a Madchild imitator and my favorite febreze scent. I think our battle rap hero is low on ideas, and outfits. He starts off swinging hard with the same reformulated insults about drugs and gay sex. Nobody has been shot at, stabbed or even hit up for his pocket contents. I’m filing this quarrel under “B” for “Boy if you don’t get this shit out of my face I’m going to blow up your legs”.

Bootymath desperately wants to be a part of this beef. Follow him on Twitter.