Once upon a time, The Darkness were the biggest band in Britain. They swept up the 2004 Brit Awards, sold 1.2 million albums in half a year, and toured the world like riff gods. Up and down the British Isles, grown men would wander into their locals wearing open chested silver sequin jumpsuits, their hair blow dryed to a tee, and their peers would grunt with approval. Your dad wanted to be Justin Hawkins, and your mum just wanted him full stop. At night, suburban London would come alive with the sound of shrill male falsettos echoing down alleys and footpaths. It was a different time.
These days, you don't see as much glam rock fandom on the streets of Britain. Everyone is too busy watching Skepta documentaries, listening to "deep house", buying scented candles, and doing juice diets so they have something to tweet about. The world has changed. But within us all, there is still a dried out flamboyant glam rock seed waiting to be watered. There must be? Otherwise why do I cry glitter?
In support of their latest album, Last of our Kind, Lowestoft's greatest, The Darkness, are returning to a discipline they perfected back in 2003, the Christmas single. "I Am Santa", which we're premiering below, comes with an 80s inspired video, a galloping bass line, fake snow, tinsel, riffs, falsettos and lyrics like "I am Santa / Bringer of joy / I am Santa / Manufacturer and distributor of toys”.
So c'mon guys! It's almost Christmas. Put down your grime for a second - it'll still be there when you come back - and water your glam rock seed.
The Darkness are about to embark on a tour:
28 November Norwich UEA
30 November NORWICH, Open
1 December CAMBRIDGE, Corn Exchange
2 December NOTTINGHAM, Rock City
4 December NEWCASTLE, O2 Academy
5 December GLASGOW, O2 Academy
9 December LEEDS, O2 Academy
10 December MANCHESTER, Academy
11 December BIRMINGHAM, O2 Academy
13 December BRISTOL, O2 Academy
14 December SOUTHAMPTON, O2 Guildhall
15 December BEXHILL, De La Warr Pavillion
17 December BOURNEMOUTH, O2 Academy
19 December OXFORD, O2 Academy
20 December LONDON, Roundhouse