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Cake's Former Drummer Was Just Found Guilty of Child Molestation

Happy International Day of Happiness! Everything is terrible!

This is what the putrid, steaming core of a municipal waste heap looks like.

We don't want to stomp all over your International Day of Happiness (when, exactly, did the UN become a elementary school art teacher?), but in case you haven't realized, the world is a dark, disgusting place filled with evil people and taxes. Not that you really need proof, but a whole fetid pile of it comes to us today in the form of ex-Cake drummer Peter McNeal, who was just found guilty on child molestation charges. For the second time.

After a Thanksgiving dinner party back in 2009, the then-three-year-old victim, who had been playing a game with McNeal, asked her parents, "Why did that man want to put his penis in my mouth?" Why. WHY. WHY WHY WHY. Later that evening, while giving her a bath, the girl's mother asked that she show her exactly what happened. This next bit is so atrocious, we don't even want to retype it, so we'll just let LAist take it from here:

"The mother said the girl took a metal Thermos bottle, held it to her crotch and 'pushed it in my mouth' while moving her hips to demonstrate what McNeal had done."

The parents of the victim waited two years until the girl brought up the incident again before deciding to file charges in an effort to ensure that the allegations were true. However, in that time, McNeal had already been convicted on child molestation stemming from another occurrance—this one taking place only two weeks after the Thanksgiving happening while volunteering at a Los Angeles school. WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY. McNeal, a FUCKING FATHER OF TWO, was arrested in January of 2012 and convicted on one felony count of oral copulation and sexual penetration of a child under the age of 10.

McNeal is awaiting sentencing on April 25, but we can only hope that this festering sack of rotting smegma will go septic and drown himself from the inside out in his own feces any day now.