Full disclosure from the start: I do not speak Korean. Even Google translate and the seemingly random English words sprinked in the video couldn't help me fully understand it. However, none of these things matter because you don't need to understand what Girls’ Generation are singing to see that they are unbelievably cute–and learn from their cute ways. This article’s alternate title was: I’ll Never Be As Cute As Girls’ Generation But Here’s How I’m Going To Try.
ACT LIKE YOU’RE IN A TAMPON COMMERCIAL
Spin around with all your BFFs and pretend you’re having the time of your goddamn life. Most importantly laugh, because that is the defining trait of this video. “Oh” doesn’t start with music. Instead, it’s introduced with a chorus of giggles that never ends. In fact, just giggle constantly, even while singing. It doesn’t matter if it makes sense at all.
Other tips to appearing cute include playful head shakes and winks. Put your hands up to your face á la Home Alone and grin until you force dimples into your cheeks. If you don’t have dimples, keep giggling.
USE (KINDA) ANCIENT TECHNOLOGY
Considering each member has an average of 1+ million Instagram followers, I’m sure all of these girls have smart phones. However, on camera they’re stuck in Y2K. We’re led to believe that nine girls apparently share a computer the size of a mini fridge, that’s roughly as technically advanced. Sure, most people would make fun of their parents for having such outdated technology, but here it’s adorably “retro.” The Manic Pixie Dream Girl factor is automatically upped.
TRAVEL IN A PACK
The cheerleader effect is real y’all. In 2013, a study from the University of California, San Diego proved that it’s natural for humans to see individuals in a group as more attractive. Now, each member of Girls’ Generation is absurdly perfect, but pack nine of them together in a group and everything becomes a blur of Bambi-esque limbs and flowing hair flips. Plus, it’ll confuse predators!
POINT AT THINGS
Mainly your eyes but also your lips. As Cher Horowitz once said, “Anything you can do to draw attention to your mouth is good.” In the course of a three-and-a-half minute long video, the girls point at things an incredible 39 times.
IF YOUR FRIENDS ARE SLACKING, WHIP THEM INTO SHAPE
Don’t literally whip them, this isn’t a Rihanna video. This is about being adorable, remember? Grab the closest whistle, scrunch up your eyes and blow. Then, teach your friends a choreographed dance and all will be good in the world.
FORESHADOW ALL FUTURE MAKEOVERS
This video came out in 2010, at the beginning of Girls’ Generation’s reign. In the last ten seconds, a new girl group emerges. They wear black, they sexily pose like pros, they’re…the same group? The lesson learned is clear: if you’re ever going to revamp your image, tease it out to an audience of 73 million people. Plus, YouTube commenters are known to be such kind, positive people!!!
HAIR IS THE NEW FRONTIER OF FASHION
Seriously. Wear a visor like you’re 70 or lots of colorful hair bands like you’re seven because both are apparently acceptable now. The theme seems to be geriatric or pediatric, so channel the coolest chicks at the nursing home. I’m not sure if this is a wearable trend or one that works because of the cute factor, but you do you. Who am I to judge?
Aliza is on the fence about sequin visors. She's on Twitter - @AlizaAbarbanel.
Want more music video style lessons? Check these out.