E3 is the biggest video gaming conference in the world. For three days a year, international gamers gather together to play, discuss, debate, and consume. Before coming to E3 to write about the cultural juggernaut that is the gaming industry, I hadn't give much thought to what gamers ate. Sure, the stereotype was a cereal bowl full of Cheetos topped up with Mountain Dew, but that's assuming all gamers are the same. And then there's that whole bit about how they're all socially stunted, pockmarked teenagers living in moments between burrito-induced diarrhea and peanut butter sandwich constipation.
Of course, in reality (not the virtual), people who love video games are as varied as any other group, and to presume you know them based on how they spend their weekend is narrow minded.
But what struck me the most about this conference was scanning the culinary options of what the catering companies at the conference thought gamers would want to eat. What happened next involved a culinary safari that I'd never like to return to if I can avoid it.
Prepare your colon for blast off.
The conference involves more walking than you'd expect. One must responsibly prepare by loading up on protein. Here's a tip I found to be very useful: Save time by wrapping your sausage in bacon.
The presence of cheese in the background tells us this is nacho sauce, not bolognaise, or mud, or poop. Just kidding. After eating here, you won't poop for days.
A rare glimpse at the transformative process where a vegetarian burger becomes a regular burger.
After the kill, the young lions feast. After they feast, they rest.
I'm not sure why, but everything in LA is Hawaiian themed.
I don't know about you, but when I want stew, I want it plated in an inner city car park in the late afternoon.
I don't have anything funny to say about the fried chicken and waffle combo. It seems like someone was thinking smart here with this culinary decision.
Feeling the consequences of his actions.
Marketing teams were getting in the spirit.
After three days of living off junk food, swallowing as much gum as I could to try to make up some kind of fiber in my diet, I realized that I had learned something after all. Gross food is the best. But beyond that, video games are for everyone. Anyone with opposable thumbs can find something out there that will make the varicose veins worth it. And you know what else is for everyone? Salt, oil, and saturated fats—they're the great equalizer of foods. Everyone is the same in front of a burger and fries, and everyone is having a great time.