It's time, once again, to marvel at some idiots who don't know how to handle the world:
Cry-Baby #1: William McDaniel
Screencap via Google Maps
The incident: A man discovered that a stripper wouldn't have sex with him.
The appropriate response: Not having sex with the stripper.
The actual response: He called the cops.
On Saturday, 53-year-old William McDaniel spent the evening at Sagebrush Sam's Exotic Dance Club and Casino in Rocker, Montana.
According to reports, William paid a stripper $350 for a private dance. After the private dance, the stripper did not have sex with him.
Once he'd realized that he'd just spent $350 for just a private dance at a strip club in rural Montana, William called 911 to register a consumer complaint.
Police responded to the call, but, obviously, not to make the stripper have sex with him. William was arrested and charged for offering money for sexual favors.
He was released Sunday morning after posting a $550 bond.
The Smoking Gun quoted a Yelp review of Sagebrush Sam's, the strip club where this took place. It is, apparently, "dirty and smells like vomit." The man who wrote the review said he "will not go back."
Cry-Baby #2: An unnamed woman in South Carolina
Screencaps via WAGT26
The incident: A woman said "fuck" while grocery shopping.
The appropriate response: Nothing.
The actual response: She was arrested.
Last week, 27-year-old mother of two Danielle Wolf was shopping at a Kroger store in North Augusta, South Carolina.
At some point, after noticing that her kids were squashing the bread in her shopping cart, she told them off. According to the police report, Danielle said, "stop squeezing the fucking bread."
Danielle says, at that point, she was approached by another customer who chastized her for swearing. "She's like, 'You said the F-word,' " Danielle told WAGT26.
The woman, who has not been named, then called the police to tell them what had happened.
Amazingly, because North Augusta law dictates that using "bawdy, lewd, or obscene language" while "in the presence of another" qualifies as "disorderly conduct," Danielle was handcuffed and arrested.
"He was like, 'You're under arrest.' Right in front of kids, in front of my husband, in front of customers." said Danielle, of the officer who arrested her.
After booking, Danielle was released. She is due to appear in court on September 12th.
Several days after the incident, the woman who called the police contacted Danielle to apologize. She said that seeing her swear at her children reminded her of her own abusive childhood, which might make her the most decent person to have ever appeared in this column.
Which one of these guys is the bigger cry-baby? Let us know in this poll down here:
Who is the bigger cry-baby?
Winner: The homophobic church!