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Vice Blog

WISCONSIN - FRATICIDE

Holy shit! Have you heard about the Smiley Face Killers? They're a top-secret nationwide murder gang who abduct drunk college students wandering near bodies of water then kill them really carefully so it looks like they just fell in and drowned. Isn't that sooo spooky and logical? Then they spraypaint a smiley face somewhere near the crime scene so that their secret overlords know it was them and not just some run-of-the-mill, totally plausible, this-kind-of-thing-has-been-happening-since-the-dawn-of-booze-type accident. The only good thing I can say about this is at least they picked a really obscure and hard-to-copy symbol as their tag or else we might never have stumbled upon their sinister underground cabal. Wait what? You're saying you don't believe two retired detectives who decided to break their theory on Coast 2 Coast AM? Well, take a look at this map, smart guy. Nine similar deaths in four different states over the course of nine years and you're saying that's just some coincidence? Please. Grow up already.