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The Cospiracy Theories Issue

Dear Diary

I just read my old diary and I'm just going to concentrate on the future. Anyway sooo much has happened. I got to first with Collin behind the diner. Big deal, not!
December 1, 2002, 12:00am

April 1992

I just read my old diary and I’m just going to concentrate on the future. Anyway sooo much has happened. I got to first with Collin behind the diner. Big deal, not! I’m sorry to say but my rep now is a “dirtbag” and there’s really nothing I can do about it except NOT hang out with Chris Carter. Shannon and I decided we were not going to smoke pot ever again. Oh yeah, and I kinda beat up Kerri. I AM such a dirtbag! I hang out with hoodies and druggies! Who am I? Peaches n cream or beer n nicotine? I like like Andy and Mike. I like Mike better. I want to kiss him sooo bad. I seriously HATE middle school. I have changed a lot and I am ashamed. I wonder if my sister has had sex yet? Collin wants me to give him a hand job but I won’t because I’ll feel like a used piece of shit. I just don’t have the power to control myself from that stuff! I am being bad but having fun at the same time. My parents found a cig in my pocket!!! What is happening to me? I feel like a scumbag. Actually a JAP in scumbag’s clothing. I don’t know what to do. I’m scared to fight with Chris cuz he’ll only get Hali to kick my ass. I must go. I want to run away. Oh shit, somebody save me!!!

April 2002

This was written when I was in seventh grade. It was a groundbreaking year because I discovered my chosen path of “beer n nicotine.” Being bad turned out to be way more fun but not very rewarding. I ended up giving Collin plenty of handjobs that year, as well as many blowjobs. This went on for years, and I did feel like a used piece of shit. To this day I’m not sure if I am able to always “control myself from that stuff.” I still find hand jobs irresistible. The rule to “never smoke pot again” only went into effect very recently for me, but for Shannon it happened a bit earlier. She became quite fond of sucking the glass dick, as well as drinking and driving. She died in a car accident about five years ago. Chris Carter never got Hali to kick my ass. Instead, he asked me out and we became boyfriend/girlfriend for about 2 weeks in eighth grade. I remember he used to kiss with grape bubblegum, and I dumped him because he told people I was flat- chested.