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April 27, 2009, 2:32pm

A little while back we told you about this nice British lad we met at the small art and noise music festival Borealis in Bergen, Norway. We were sent there on an all-expenses paid "vacation," which we learned actually means "attendance slave." There was no exploring the town or anything one likes to do on a trip of free will--it was 100 percent experimental performance, bleak modern composition, and silly attempts to reenact the Fluxus Manifesto. until it was time to go home. The shock of total immersion took a while to wear off; we're finally ready to revisit our footage.

A fat man blow up a balloon through a Tuba

An arty experimental orchestra with mood swings going…wild?

A long-drawn-out dance with a flute

A single and lonely looking man lighting candles on a birthday cake on stage and smashing it in his face. When we asked him why he just smashed a cake in his face he answered, "Because it blocks everything out." We were like, "Are you referring to the skeptical looks from the audience?" To which he had no reply, so we asked, "Why would you even go in front of an audience and do that?" To which he hissed, "Why not?" and slammed the door in our face.

Two nerds ripping apart their beloved Nintendo to make…music?

An organ tower that we were actually excited about but it ended up being so mind-numbing that we were praying someone would just get naked or something.

Then someone did get naked. It didn't help. This was a minimal composition for guitar, clarinet and xylophone by Micheal Finnissy, dealing with the complexity of growing grass.

One day we were told to be at the venue at 9 PM sharp as that was when the concert would start. We showed up and there was no music, only a bunch of people eating soup. We were like, "So… where's the concert?" and were told that this was indeed the concert. That particular piece was called "20 Gallons of Soup With the Audience" by Ken Freidman. We still couldn't hear any music.

We also saw a woman who was sleeping laying face down with her head in the corner. She may or may not have been part of the program. When she woke up she knocked over my €6 beer. Which may or may not have been a part of the show.