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WEEKEND WATCHIN - HOT NEW SUMMER MOVIE


Instead of sitting around your computer eating slices of rice cheese while staring at Youtube sensation after Youtube sensation, why not get out and enjoy a small breath of fresh air before slumping into a dungeon of a movie theater? There's this hot new gay film called T4: Salvation that'll drain your endorphin storage faster than doing a bump while jumping off the high dive with your dick in your hand, and you should totally check it out. Our guy Matt Kessler went to see a private viewing and gave us the scoop.

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And Java Monster. If you don't know which flavor to get, try Loca Moca. Shit's crazy.

With the amenities nestled safely in my Jansport, I made my way over to the theater. Seeing as how, you know, this was the Terminator and everything, I kinda had a hunch the room would be packed. Understatement of the year. Five minutes before game time and it was balls to the wall.

Whoa! How fuckin' hot was that shit??

I had to run to the bathroom.

Good thing this cyborg slut was there to help me do my business.

I-AM-A-SLUT-FROM-THE-FUTURE.

HALF-SLUT. HALF-MACHINE.

Come here, bro. I think my phone's vibrating. Could ya grab that for me?

Palm Pre. Nice. Am I grippin' it too hard?

Perfect. But ya gotta slide your finger along the touch screen to unlock it. Think you can handle that?

Yeah. Hold on one second while I readjust my boner.

No dude. Readjust my boner. With your mouth.

EJACULATION: APPROVED. COMMENCE FACE-HOSING.