The last time Pizza Inn pushed out a press release, it was to announce that it had brought back a contactless, customizable buffet-to-go, a decision that it said was based on "popular demand." We have no idea how many people reached out to "demand" the return of the New Right Way Buffet, but we're reasonably confident that literally no one asked to hear Pizza Inn's thoughts about last November's Presidential election.
On Tuesday—before the violent attempted-insurrection in Washington, D.C.—the Dallas-based chain shared a since-removed release titled "Pizza Inn Takes Bold Stand for Election Reform," a 630 word treatise that could be summarized as "Pizza Inn Really Wants Donald Trump to Stop By for a Slice of Meaty Max." Although it acknowledges that the restaurant responsible for the Pizzert isn't staffed with "Constitutional scholars," that didn't stop it from going full Josh Hawley, and suggesting that Congress should not certify Joe Biden's victory.
"Like most Americans, we are alarmed by the uncertainties and resulting lack of faith in our election system," Brandon Solano, Pizza Inn's CEO said. "We have a right to fair elections with unchallenged legitimacy, and that begins with a system that is both transparent and secure. Whether your candidate won or lost, we should all have confidence in a process that helps us celebrate, or at least accept, the results. The current election system is dangerous for our democracy, breeding uncertainty, unrest and in some extreme cases, political violence. This has to stop."
OK, for starters, "most" Americans are not "alarmed by" the election system, because "most Americans" voted for Joe Biden—who won by more than 7 million votes and almost 4.5 percentage points. Despite the fact that President Trump and his associates filed 62 state and federal lawsuits in an attempt to overturn the results, they failed 61 times. (The Trump campaign's one victory—if that's not too strong a word—involved a Pennsylvania judge giving absentee voters three days to 'cure' the signatures on their ballots instead of six.)
The "dangerous" unrest and political violence that occurred in the days after the election seemed to be largely limited to Trump's supporters, like the ones who gathered outside the home of Michigan's top election official, the ones who participated in armed protests in Arizona, or the hundreds who showed their whole insurrectionist asses on Wednesday, and pushed their way into the U.S. Capitol building. (This is as good a place as any to note that Pizza Inn's restaurants are located in 14 southern states, 12 of which went to Trump in November's election.)
"Pizza Inn is not advocating to overturn the election, nor do we think hastily certifying the results in Congress [on January 6] is appropriate," the chain continued. "We are simply saying that since we don't know what happened, the prudent course of action is to conduct a 10-day audit of the vote to make certain that the man we inaugurate as President of the United States on January 20 is the rightful winner." (After the rioters were cleared from the Capitol complex, Congress reconvened and certified the results of the election at 3:45 a.m. on Thursday.)
But again, we knew what happened well before that: Joe Biden won the election. Trump's ongoing claims that the vote was rigged or fraudulent have not been supported by any evidence (and his attorneys' insistence that Dominion Voting System engaged in vote tampering has led Dominion CEO John Poulos to suggest that the company will be filing a defamation lawsuit against former Trump campaign lawyer Sidney Powell.)
In addition to that 10-day audit thing—which clearly isn't happening—Pizza Inn also wants widespread voter ID laws, a full audit of electronic voting machines, and the elimination of mail-in voting.
The entire release reads like FOX News fan-fic, right down to the references to being a "patriotic American company," the unnecessary dig against state governors and health officials who have put pandemic-related restrictions on indoor dining, and the closing reference to "God [seeing] our country through this troubled time." (It's our understanding that God only listens to Pizza Hut-related prayers.)
When Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell spoke on Wednesday—just before rioters forced the Senate to temporarily suspend their proceedings—he seemed to disregard the election controversy entirely. "President Trump claims that the election was stolen. I supported the president's right to use the legal system. Dozens of lawsuits received hearings in courtrooms all across our country. But over and over, the courts rejected these claims, including judges the President himself had nominated," he said.
"But my colleagues, nothing before us proves illegality anywhere near the massive scale that would've tipped the entire election. Nor can public doubt alone justify a radical break, when the doubt itself was incited without any evidence."
Sorry, Pizza Inn, but even a "bold stand" doesn't count as evidence. As of this writing, Pizza Inn's tweets about the election are still on its timeline—as are its two MAGA thirst-traps, where it tagged the President, almost two dozen Republican senators, assorted FOX News hosts, and, uh, George Papadopoulis.
VICE has reached out to Pizza Inn for comment, both about the Presidential election and about Wednesday's attempted coup, and we will update this post when we hear back.