After COVID, I'll Never Dress 'Normal' Again

Welcome to Fantasy Week, where we indulge all our grandest daydreams about what we wish to do when this is all over. After a year of pandemic life, we’re fantasizing about globetrotting, throwing ragers, and dressing like we truly give zero fucks, and imagining a world where we’re all vaxxed and the world is our big, briny oyster.

There has been one upside to quarantine: After a full calendar year of dressing only for myself, I’ve discovered gender euphoria. 

In the Before Times, I spent a lot of energy explaining my non-binary gender, and a lot of effort dressing to try to reduce that explanation time. Plenty of people met me with genuine curiosity, but more often than not I found myself defending my identity, and trying to back it up by “looking non-binary.” 

What does non-binary look like? At the time, I thought it meant looking adrogynous—not necessarily the same thing at all. But back then, as a baby queer operating under this common delusion, I found myself wearing a lot of shapeless “unisex” clothes in dull colors in an effort to help people correctly guess my gender. 

And guess what? It didn’t work! The gender binary is so pervasive in our culture, you can’t even go to the grocery store without the checkout clerk ambushing you with a “sir” or “ma’am” out of misguided customer service politeness—and somehow they always pick the worst honorific. On top of unisex-androgyny not helping me “pass” as a non-binary person, at the end of the day, I still didn’t feel like my gender expression matched up with my gender identity. The clothes, shoes, and accessories that I adorned myself with did not align with my separate—but no less real—felt, internal experience of gender.

Then, quarantine happened. Away from everyone else’s idea of what I should look like, I discovered the joy of dressing for me. 

What does my gender euphoria look like? Well it depends. Some days I am Mx. Frizzle with a dash of Dumbledore’s sheer plum velvet audacity. Others, I’m Puck the tricksy fairy as played by an 80s David Bowie. Sometimes, I’m Winnie-the-Pooh multiplied by every anime hero who has ever made you question your sexuality. However I’m dressed, though, I’m always a character.

The truth is, every time we get dressed and go out into the world, we’re already playing a part. From now on, my role will not be palatable androgyny. If I’m going to be bothered to put on something other than my sweatpants, it will be a full-on gender fantasia. I’m the main character in my life. No more explanations; only outlandish outfits. 

Before we dive into what I’ll be wearing, a quick note on how I approach online shopping. While browsing, I play a game called “la la la I can’t hear you!” The rules are simple: Whenever you see binary labels, you say “la la la I can’t hear you,” and buy whatever the hell you think is cute.

Here are five outfits I plan to step out in when we're in a post-vax world of sartorial freedom.

Category is: colorblocking cottagecore Brooklyn hipster—light and flouncy, but also a little confusing. The base of this outfit is built around a delicious layering of fabric textures: denim jacket over corduroy shirt over a sheer, embroidered top over a knit mock neck, which also happens to be perfect for fickle early-season weather. Adding a cheerful sock and an optimistic pair of Birkenstocks to remind myself that winter is really over—it’s not just the dream of spring.

WE11DONE Blue Denim Logo Stamp Jacket, $770 at SSENSE

UO Big Corduroy Work Shirt in Lime, $69 at Urban Outfitters

Seamless Mock Neck Top in Khaki, $12.90 at Zara

UO Meadow Embroidered Tunic Top, $149 at Urban Outfitters

Big Bud Press Cavalry Pants - Spicy Mustard, $90 at Big Bud Press

Groovy Chenille Icon Sock, $10 at Urban Outfitters

Birkenstock Arizona EVA Sandal - Light Purple, $45 at Urban Outfitters

The fantasy born of a thousand TikToks—maybe I, too, could emerge from this quarantine coordinated enough to roller skate! These incredible, iridescent skates certainly make it worth trying, fashion-wise. I wanna pair them with pastel tie-dye socks, which vibe with colors from both the button down and the bucket hat, for an innocent, kid-next-door vibe. And them I'm finding the courage to bare my knees in an adorable pair of high-waisted, wide legged shorts—if it all goes bad, at least I’ll have an excuse to ask the other cute queers at the rink if they have a Band-Aid.

Impala Quad Rollerskates, $100 at Amazon

Vans Covered Tie-Dye Orchid Crew Sock, $13.00 at Tillys

Vintage Overdyed Denim Shirt, $49 at Urban Outfitters

APC Alex Corduroy Bucket Hat, $115 at END.

GANNI Navy Levi’s Edition Denim Wide-Leg Shorts, $290 at SSENSE

At the heart of this outfit is a Matrix-inspired monochrome look because A) it’s an iconic film about the trans experience and B) I’ll look extra cool and modern contrasting with all the antiquity around me. Starting with a cyperpunk boot, and adding a silky, slim black pant and Wild Feminist mock neck to remind everyone that trans women are women. Finish the whole thing up with a faux-leather harness and trench, and I’m ready to take the red pill.

AMBUSH Black Converse Edition Chuck Rubber Boots, $160 at SSENSE

The Performance 5-Pocket Pant, $75 at Everlane

The Wild Feminist Mock Neck Tank - Black, $32 at Wildfang

Priya Black Crocodile Vegan Leather Trench, $380 at Apparis

Tight Hold Buckle Harness, $20 at Dollskill

This look is inspired by genderqueer icon Kirby, of Super Smash Bros. fame, who understands exactly how subversive blush pink can be. Pair with Docs, and now I look exactly like a meme about queers at brunch. Perfect!

BDG Lucia Corduroy Shirt Jacket - Lavender, $89 at Urban Outfitters

Cropped Honeycomb Tee - Baby Pink, $35 at Big Bud Press

BDG High-Waisted Cowboy Jean - Bandana Print Denim, $99 at Urban Outfitters

2976 Smooth Leather Chelsea Boot, $150 at Dr. Martens

Smiley Face Bucket Hat, $13.99 at Amazon

Being a mysterious stranger working at a coffee shop

This one's for picturing myself in a local coffee shop, with my laptop, pastry, and fancy drink of choice all arrayed before me, exchanging glances with a queer-coded barista. (It’s the simple dreams, really!) I love all the colors, all at once, plus gold-framed blue-light blocking glasses and one dangly earring to let the latte cutie know that I’m super sunny and approachable. Don’t forget a Fjallraven backpack—practical, playful, and suggests that I own a passport and have used it more than once.

UO Misty Corduroy Jumpsuit, $99 at Urban Outfitters

UO Club Heavyweight Stripe Rugby Shirt, $59 at Urban Outfitters

Dansko Professional Honey Distressed Clogs, $135 at Dansko

I See You Blue Light Blocking Glasses, $55 at QUAY

Butterfly Charm Drop Earrings, $3 at SHEIN

Fjallraven Kanken Laptop 15" Backpack, $119.95 at Amazon

There you have it, my dears: color and texture and joy and light. All the euphorias my gender deserves, after this long, dark winter. What does yours look like?

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