Composite by VICE Staff
Happy holi-gays, babes, and congrats on surviving another year! Whether you’re a fellow queer person or merely an ally matters not. What matters, this holiday season, is that you care about a member of the LGBTQ community and you’re about to shower them with gifts, bitch. Queer people come in many delicious flavors, it’s true. But, no matter who they are to you—your aesthetically astute bestie or sad they/them sibling, platonic life partner or witchy roommate, metamour, maybe-date-mate, local or long-distance lover—odds are you were thinking about buying them a mug with a rainbow on it. Please don’t. We have plenty of mugs. We’ve been mainstream for a while now.Not sure where to start, in that case? We’ve got you covered. Here’s what we’re getting our queerly beloved this holiday season.Whether they’re your sibling, roommate, or stylish bestie, odds are they’re obsessed with unique and artful home decor. Give the gift that keeps giving “omg your place is so cute” vibes all year long.For the one most likely to start a covenIf there are two things queers love, it’s crystals and cheese—celebrate the solstice with your witchiest pals around this hand-hewn charcuterie board.For the pyro with a green thumbUp next in delightfully gay object combos: plants and candles. Once this hand-poured, soy candle—which has an incredible, Japanese-inspired scent with palo santo, rock rose, and cedar notes—is all burned, the terrazzo vessel becomes a fresh herb planter—just add water to the included seed paper and soil packet!For the aspirational art-loverWhether or not this person is, in fact, living their best queer life is irrelevant. For the caffeine queenFact: The alphabet mafia runs on caffeine. With this adorable pink electric pour-over kit and 24/7 access to barista-quality coffee, your queer friend will be unstoppable (Standard Dose is also slinging the classic matte black model on promo RN).Look, it’s been a rough year (ok, maybe a rough couple of years) and winter is terrible to one’s hair, skin, and wardrobe options; no wonder we’re sad. Cheer up a queer with one of these thoughtful gifts.For the overworked and under-appreciatedDo we know how adaptogens work? Not really. Are we willing to try any potion or powder that promises less stress? Absolutely. For your most anxious palWe know, we know: The alphabet mafia never sleeps. But if there’s a queer in your life who would actually like to, then this is the weighted blanket for them. For the water signsWe don’t always love the “slap a rainbow on it” approach to gay gift giving, but these bath bombs are cute enough to get a pass. For the self-medicating stonerThis seashell-shaped pipe is beautifully sapphic, handmade in Oregon, and glazed for easy cleanup.If you’re ready for more of a ho-ho-holiday season, look no further.For your maybe-date-mate Is this a date or are these weirdly romantic, long hangouts just platonic? Fuck around and find out by gifting them these cocktails and skipping the bar—perhaps you can suggest a more intimate place to meet up. (*wink*)For your long-distance loverIs there anything queerer than loving the shit out of someone who lives thousands of miles away from you? For the freaks in the sheetsWe absolutely adore a vibe that’s water-resistant, USB-rechargeable, and designed for sexy friends with whatever kind of junk they’ve got in the trunk. Sometimes, a gift is for you to enjoy, too.Does your lover deserve to feel so goddamn luxurious they could lose their mind? Of course they do. Is there anything gayer than purple satin? Obviously not. Rihanna knows what the queers want. What are you waiting for?
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Your Queer Friend Loves a Cozy Home
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For the latte bitchThrow in a milk frother so they can make their oat milk lattes—the gayest of beverages—in the comfort of their own home.
Your Queer Friend Needs a Hug
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Your Queer Friend Is Also Your Lover
For your boo
May all your holidays be merry and gay!