Is it us, or is time flying? We blinked and it went from getting dark at 4 p.m. to the blissful post-daylight-savings dream of it still being light outside when leaving work. Let’s all let out a resounding huzzah as we thank the powers that be for lessening our seasonal depression and bestowing upon us the same glory and mercy that Gwyneth Paltrow is also currently enjoying post-trial-win. March is turning out to be a truly heavenly month. On top of celebrating Everything Everywhere All At Once stealing every Oscar with our own hot dog hands, we also explored how to achieve maximum resting potential during Sleep Week, and we’re gearing up for music festival season. It’s time for our March 2023 installment of What VICE Readers Bought This Month, so let’s delve into the stuff you guys went cuckoo-bananas over this month, before it’s April and we’re all stoned out of our minds.
cums comes as no surprise that clit-sucking vibrators and Hoka Bondi 7s topped the list of things that VICE readers bought this month, because if there’s two things we know for sure, it’s that you guys love running and orgasms—keep up the good work. The rest of March’s best-sellers include pheromone perfume (for keeping things horny), a Japanese chef's knife for mastering absolutely everything from Ina Garten’s bibliography, and nipple covers for… covering nipples. Read on for more of the top products VICE readers bought in March 2023.
Reach your climax
In the words of Rec Room’s senior writer and resident sexpert Mary Frances Knapp, who reviewed Rosie, the rose-shaped clit-sucker from Tracy’s Dog, “it made my clit swoon.” On top of being, like, totally aesthetically pleasing and clit-charming, this pretty suction toy is also super lightweight, made from body-safe silicone, and incredibly travel-friendly (it fits in the palm of your hand).
If you’d rather hump your toys, no sweat—readers also went ham for the Ruby Glow massager from Rocks-Off, which offers 10 speeds for you to ride along with. While it’s not the most discreet toy, “this vibrator wants to be full-on straddled and have you just go at it,” writes Knapp.
Speaking of sex….dust
Maybe you’re familiar with Moon Juice and the lore of founder Amanda Chantal Bacon, Father John Misty, and a stolen crystal, but have you actually tried its popular wellness products? It turns out that Sex Dust actually slaps. After ingesting Sex Dust every day for a month, senior writer Mary Frances Knapp “went into this experiment feeling skeptical, but I found myself feeling not only hornier from the adaptogen blend, but more creative and even open-minded.” Her only caveat: The dust is quite earthy, so “it begets a banana and date smoothie, or some hot chocolate.” Noted.
Run like the wind
It’s no secret that you freaks LOVE sneaker brand Hoka—us too, mateys. There’s just something about those chunky, pillowy soles that fulfill both our aesthetic and physical needs. “When it comes to Hokas, the Bondi 7s are god’s gift to the running world,” writes Nicolette Accardi in her review of the Bondi 7s—which are (luckily) currently on sale.
Do you want that TOGO?
We love our readers. Y’all have exceptional taste in decor, even if you don’t have a Logan Roy-level budget. We’re with you, babes—we’re also squirreling away our tax return for our next big purchase, which will either be a glorious Togo sofa or Wassily chair dupe. VICE readers have been buying this sick Togo armchair lookalike like hotcakes, and we don’t blame you—it’s plush velvet, highly rated, and only around $1,000, a steal compared to a real Togo sofa’s price tag.
I love the way you smell
And so will every other hot single hottie at the bar, hardcore show, and famer’s market. Baddies everywhere will be coming up to you in droves because of that je ne sais quoi. Pssst…. It’s this TikTok-famous pheromone oil that comes in a convenient roll-on that you can stash in your purse, gym bag, or back pocket whenever you need a little extra confidence boost. One of our staff writers took it for a test run, and the results were interesting to say the least.
You need to cut it
Fancy knives can get really pricey, but as most professional chefs and avid home cooks know, all you really need is one good knife to tackle everything from fileting fish to julienning vegetables—just make sure you keep it nice and sharp, and clean and dry it after each use. This tried-and-true Imarku knife is one of our top picks under $100, and apparently, one of yours, too.
No more nippin’ out
God, don’t you hate it when the A/C flicks on mid-meeting and you find yourself peeking through your shirt? Us, too, which is why comfortable, trusty-worthy nipple covers (a.k.a. pasties) are truly a god-send. Writer Becca Blasdel reviewed a bunch last summer in hopes of having a carefree, braless season, and it turns out pasties make it possible. The two brands that are still flying off the shelves? Bare Necessities Nippies and Bonamona nipple covers.
See you next month, and thanks for shopping [rips bong].
The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story. Want more reviews, recommendations, and red-hot deals? Sign up for our newsletter.