This is the ideal human body. You may not like it, but this is what peak performance looks like. At least according to a group of anatomists and special effects designers.
Alice Roberts, an anthropologist and professor of public engagement in science at the University of Birmingham in the UK, went on a mission to test all the ways human bodies could be improved, inspired by other species that do it better. The result: A conglomeration of creatures that turn the human form freakishly alien. It’s really hard to look at, but here it is:
Roberts and an effects team, including virtual sculptor Scott Eaton and SFX model maker Sangeet Prabhaker, replaced all the weak-ass parts of our human form with parts borrowed from animals. Roberts’ “perfect” body gets powerful emu legs, reptilian skin, huge ears and eyes, and giant three-toed feet. Calling it human after all this is barely passable.
Oh, and a creepy goddamn baby head peers out from a kangaroo pouch on its stomach.
The team unveiled its Frankenlady in front of Roberts and a small crowd at the London Science Museum for a BBC program Can Science Make Me Perfect? It was received with a mix of squeals, forced laughter, and pained smiles. No one wants to say this thing is repulsive, but their discomfort is obvious. It’s like something from The Island of Dr. Moreau.
The most bizarre aspect of this new and improved body isn’t even its oversized eyeballs or pointed ears, or emu-like legs, but that fucking baby head peeking out of its pouch. So, I guess in the perfect human scenario, babies are born the size of jelly beans, like kangaroo young? And then the tiny baby crawls up this hairless body and into the pouch to continue growing? This thing only gets weirder the longer you think about it. I’m done with it. Burn it with fire.