I've had it about up to here with this Song of the Summer stuff. I've had it. I feel like I'm Kate Winslet in Titanic when she says she's standing in a crowded room, screaming at the top of her lungs, and no one looks up. That's me. And I am—figuratively—standing in the middle of a dancefloor in Cancun, practically begging the sloshed and sweaty youth surrounding me to acknowledge my submission for Song of the Summer, and I'm getting nothing. Nothing. They're playing "Despacito" for the eightieth time today. I keep hearing "Heatstroke" and "I'm the One" but all I wanna hear is "Shine Brighter"; the mashup DJ Earworm made of every hit single from the year 2012. Is that so crazy? Is it? Oh, okay.You're going to tell me that a song that has features* from One Direction, Katy Perry, The Frey, Nicki Minaj, Ellie Goulding, Rihanna, Flo Rida, Bruno Mars and fucking Psy, isn't more culturally significant and more of a "goer" than plain ol' Daddy Yankee feat. Bieber? I mean, I feel like I'm going crazy here! Have you even heard the song?It's a fucking masterpiece. It's like, sure, after one listen it does start to sort of, give you a feeling of exhaustion. I should know, I've heard it nearly forty times this morning. Yes, okay, I feel a little bit like I haven't eaten for days and that does seem to have something to do with the song itself. Maybe "malnourished" is the best way to describe it. Like I'm painfully thirsty. But that's, hey, that's pop for you. It's meant to make you feel weird. It's supposed to drain you of sensation. The sheer power of it is enough to drive you mad. Or at least that's my understanding.Okay, so perhaps "Shine Brighter" isn't repeatable enough. Maybe it's not the right fit. What else might be a contender for Song of the Summer is a little song I like to call "DJ Earworm's Mashup of All the Most Successful Singles of 2009", and a song DJ Earworm likes to call "Blame It On the Pop." An incredible collaboration between some of the greatest artists of our time that year. You know. You've got your Jay Seans, your Keri Hilsons, your All American Rejects. In this case the thing itself really is greater than the sum of its parts. It is, frankly, moving.Now that's a song! Haha. It too does have a quality of, um, strain to it. It's a little taxing, yes. There's a lot going on. It's still lovely though. A feat of innovation. That's not to say that DJ Earworm's 2011 triumph "World Go Boom" couldn't do the trick just as well! Song of the Summer anyone? "World Go Boom." Wow. In other words: the mixing and mastering of 2011's biggest singles into one cohesive (for the most part) song that will either give you a very severe headache or will make you feel positively elated! Vibin! On top of the world (go boom)!Anyone remember any of this stuff? These singles? I sure don't. That's why these mashups are good to have around, I reckon, in this very swallowable pill. A four-minute, no-frills, condensed-for-your-convenience package of one year's biggest pop culture marvels. Not that just, though. It also sounds good! It's sounds so, so good! So good it hurts! It's almost as if DJ Earworm is, I don't know, a martyr? Don't quote me on that.Now, I don't want to get too preachy because I feel lucky to have had the floor on this issue at all, let alone this long, but there is one more song that could possibly do really great things as a Song of Summer and yes, I know what you're thinking: "Is it another DJ Earworm mash up?" Yes. Lol yes it is. I'm not sorry either. Because this guy's catalogue is straight fuego and as far as I can tell, he has zero Grammys and even less radio airplay. It's a damn crime! A crime! (Not legally but like, morally.) So let's do this, you guys! Let's make DJ Earworm's entire YouTube discography the Songs of the Summer for this year and the year after and as many years as we can! Because why not you know? Why the hell not. (Don't answer that.)*Wonder how they got all those artists in the studio that day. Huge. Makes me think of "Band Aid."
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