Watch These Bizarre Sizzle Reels the Suez Canal Made for the Dick Ship

The Suez Canal Authority has made a bunch of dramatically-soundtracked videos showing the MS Ever Given not moving, as the ship holds up an estimated £7 billion worth of goods every day.
March 26, 2021, 11:37am
Watch These Bizarre Sizzle Reels the Suez Canal Made for the Dick Ship
Photo: vesselfinder.com / Suez Canal Authority

The MS Ever Given, the internet’s favourite cargo ship, is still wedged diagonally across Egypt’s Suez Canal, blocking one of the world’s busiest and lucrative waterways, which accounts for about 12 percent of global trade.

Photo: Roscosmos Press Office\TASS via Getty Images

Photo: Roscosmos Press Office\TASS via Getty Images

The ship has been there since grounding during high winds on Tuesday, but it’s not completely clear how it got to that point, apart from the dick-shaped course it charted across the Red Sea immediately prior to getting stuck.

thimb left final ship.jpg

Photo: vesselfinder.com

Efforts to refloat the ship and get world trade and everyone’s Amazon orders flowing again have been ongoing since then. One of the Dutch dredging companies working to free the 400 metre-long ship said it could take weeks, but the ship’s Japanese owner has reportedly said it hopes to refloat the Ever Given by Saturday night local time.

Photo: AFP via Getty Images

Photo: AFP via Getty Images

Throughout the incident, the Suez Canal Authority has been keeping people updated about the progress of the rescue operation, including photos of officials inspecting the site, and tug boats and at least one excavator in action.

Photo: Suez Canal Authority

Photo: Suez Canal Authority

For some reason, the Suez Canal Authority has also been posting sizzle reels of the floatation operation on Facebook and YouTube, accompanied by what can only be described as a rights free knock-off version of The Dark Knight soundtrack.

How do you make a group of men sitting around a table while gesturing much more dramatic? This is how:

How about a group of men inspecting a giant ship that is very much still stuck? Here’s how:

And how about a group of men inspecting a giant ship that is still stuck, but at night? Don’t worry, they’ve got you there too:

Meanwhile, some ships in the Indian Ocean are already being re-routed the long way to Europe, via the Cape of Good Hope in South Africa, which works out at a 3,500-mile detour.

Data from Lloyd’s List analysed by BBC News suggests that every day the MS Ever Given remains stuck and ships are unable to pass through the canal, about £7 billion worth of goods are being held up.

If shipping companies don’t fancy waiting, or going the long way round Africa, Russia’s state energy company has suggested using the Northern Sea Route along Russia’s Arctic Coast instead, pointing out that it offers “way more space to draw peculiar pictures using your giant ships”.