
As a sort of quasi-dirty protest and to start making my underpants work for me rather than the other way around, I decided to try and make money from the horrible things. Accepted wisdom has it that no matter how nasty something is, there will be a bastard online jerking off over it, so I decided to test that theory by attempting to flog a leopard skin thong I bought for a pound in Primark six years ago. I'm gay, but I'm not a fucking mad man and I can't see anything erotic about these - they’re haunted by the ghost of shitmas past and I apologise to my arse every time I put them on.
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Taking the photos was quite humiliating. If I was going to stand out from the crowd I’d have to make my pictures edgy and exciting. Spelling “leopard” incorrectly wasn’t intentional but it did at least make me different. I don’t really know what people wanted from me, so I thrust myself about. Daringly, I left part of my scrotum hanging out the side of the gusset as a piece of hidden treasure for the truly attentive balls fan.

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