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This was in college. Because I am old, that means it was before everyone had a smart phone, or at least a cellphone, and we still relied upon actual alarm clocks.Anyway, this girl and I had been flirting for a few nights prior, so by the evening we finally hooked up, the action had become pretty hotly anticipated. We get back to my dorm around midnight and dive into bed and… it's just terrible. We were the perfect amount of sloppy, but she was… it was like hooking up with a bag of milk.So I slow things down and tell her I'm just tired and pretend to sort of pass out. She isn't happy, but says fine and tells me she has an early class, so I need to set the alarm for 7 AM.
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I was 25, and I just started dating after leaving the Roman Catholic seminary. This was my first blind date ever. I was nervous because the person who set us up wasn't really a friend, just someone who I knew, but she assured me that her friend was cool.She didn't tell me that her friend was 20 years older than I was.I had a bad feeling the second we met up for a coffee. She started talking about her kids and her ex-husband, and I thought, I want to be anywhere else right now. So I pretended to get a call from my roommate."Hey man, oh dammit, I totally forgot! I'll head home right away and record it."I told the date that I had to go home and record the finale of The OC.Pretty sure I heard her say, "Yeah, right," as I ran down the street.Not my proudest moment at all, but I never went on a blind date again. And I didn't miss the finale. —Travis, 35Drunken runaway
I was hammered as I had been effectively stood up by a different Tinder date, went to a comedy show, and was about six wines deep when my roommate picked up my phone and messaged this guy to meet for a drink. We met up at 11 PM on a Thursday night at this little bar; the only people there were me, him, my friend, and my two flatmates.
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I was on the Plenty of Fish app while dating and living in Vancouver. It was honestly one of my most successful years of dating as it seems Canadian boys found Midwest American girls "unique."There was one particular guy, a 36-year-old who seemed cute and nice, but I was sort of alarmed by all his black-and-white "posed" selfies. I figured my safe bet of a date was a walk on the seawall with my four-year-old bulldog Lola.Walking up to him, it seemed I was about to go on a walk with Elton John. A much older man, at least 50, stood there with giant women's floral sunglasses—like there were literally fake flowers attached to the glasses. He also handed over a box of chocolates for me and dog treats for Lola.
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I met her through friends, went out. Brief DFMO [dancefloor makeout]. She asked me out after, and I agreed because I panicked, then realized I super didn't want in. She was a couple of years younger, but had the look and demeanor of a sexually aggressive aunt.I felt like a dick bailing, so I actually polled female friends to determine which restaurant was the worst possible, then texted to change the venue to Wings.A couple of hours later, she called to say she was too busy. And I was like: "Oh nooo."It's a technique I feel more people should use. —Jacob, 37Fake hailed a cab
It was my first and only internet date. His online photo was only shoulders up—and he looked slim. When he stood up from the bar stool, it was pretty shocking—his hips were so big. Womanly big.When Mr. Pear went to the bathroom, some other guys at the bar noticed I was on a bad date. They suggested I ditch him and hang with them instead. So I pretended to hail a cab to go home, and then went back into the bar and drank with other guys. I made out with one of them. —Anne, 33Names have been changed to protect privacy.Follow Manisha Krishnan on Twitter.