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Environment

Montreal Is Going to Dump Two Billion Gallons of Raw Shit into the St. Lawrence River

The untreated ass ham, sourced from residences, businesses, and hospitals, will make its way to the river's southern shore beginning October 18.
Manisha Krishnan
Toronto, CA
September 30, 2015, 3:25pm
You would never guess from this idyllic photo just how much raw, untreated shit is about to be running through that river. Photo via Flickr user Joel Bedford.

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Things are about to get really shitty in the St. Lawrence River, with Montreal planning to dump two billion gallons of raw sewage into the water over the course of a week.

The untreated shit, sourced from residences, businesses, and hospitals, will make its way to the river's southern shore beginning October 18.

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When questioned on the rationale behind the plan, city spokesman Philippe Sabourin told reporters, "There is no other choice." Construction on part of the Bonaventure Expressway required a major sewage destination to temporarily shut down and the river, apparently, is the next best thing.

Sabourin said the St. Lawrence has a "significant dilution capacity," which means the literal shit storm won't do any long term damage. But he's still worried about water sports enthusiasts, such as kayakers and surfers. He said information will be posted in the impacted areas. (Hopefully with the instructions: GTFO.)

The Montreal Environmental Project is questioning the wisdom of polluting the water with billions of gallons of straight up ass ham, and have asked the city to consider other, less-disgusting alternatives.

"Would it have been possible to use a portable technology wastewater treatment?" asked spokesman Sylvain Ouellet.

The dump will likely bring back smelly memories for longtime Montrealers, who remember the city regularly pouring sewage into the river until 1980.

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