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LONDON - A CONTRAPTION FOR THE CONNOISSEUR


Hmm, I want a blowjob, but I'm not sure if cramming my dick down someone's throat and making crazy into her eyes and hair is degrading enough to really turn me on. What I really want is an attachment for a woman's face; a beige and sterile add-on to upgrade her from consensual lover to a sex industry-approved cum-well.

Thank fuck then that some dentists, the pervert Machiavellians of the medical world, have designed Blowguard. It makes sense that they're the ones who came up with this invention; dentists must think about blowjobs pretty much every time they stick a shivering drill into your mouth and feel the whirl of spittle flying back and soaking into their medical mask. It's a logical step for them, a cock-saddle that makes any woman look like a slutty orangutan.

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OK maybe that was a little too cynical. Check out this heart rending testimonial from their website. It's pure boner fertilizer.

We are an older couple that wears dentures. We are active in the swingers lifestyle. The blowguard fits over my dentures and when I'm giving other men blowjobs, my teeth don't move. Thank you! Howard and Elaine T. California

Christ I'm hard.

ADAM WHITE