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Vice Blog

New York - Black Ice Revisited

Well, it only took all fucking weekend but we finally got Friday's Black Ice guinea pig to tell us how kicking off his day with our nation's most extreme fat-burning system went:

"I kind of thought I'd need to do a couple to feel anything, but one was enough to get me nice and ramped up for a good four hours. I was getting some pretty good emailing done when I wasn't in the bathroom every ten minutes trying to stretch my shriveled dick long enough to keep from pissing into my nutsack. Maybe it was all the coffee I drank it with.

"Not sure exactly what the chromium or niacin were supposed to be doing, but it felt like your average trucker's speed until I started to come down at the end of the day. Then all of a sudden it got really weird. Instead of just being a little stringy and down, it was like my whole body felt SAD. I don't know any other way of putting it. It was as if there was this pit of infinitely dense sadness right at the back of my stomach that just radiated it out into all of my limbs and eventually my brain. I literally felt this huge urge to put on some George Jones then literally had to turn it off before I started weeping like a broken baby girl. What's more is I was more-or-less fully cognizant throughout this that it was just the comedown causing this full-body depression. At one point I was on the phone with this guy who was supposed to be sending us pictures and I was getting really upset that he was taking so long, taking it completely personally. The whole time at the back of my brain there was this little voice of lucidness going "Chill guy, he doesn't hate you," to which Ice-me was screaming, "You don't know that! You don't understand!"

"I'd been planning on taking the remainder to plow on into the evening, but after that hours-long lady-fit I ended up just going over to a friend's place to hang out then going to bed at like 11. Guess that's what you get from a weight-loss pill whose package warns you against taking it "to reduce weight." Or maybe I just couldn't handle it. "