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LUNCH OF CHAMPIONS

Hmmm, what's going on here? Some sort of sub?

Is that…? It almost looks like…

GULP!

SCREEEEEEEEEEEECH!

WHAT?!

!!! ;-) ;-) !!! No this isn't a photoshop trick or Linder-Sterlingesque satirical collage. You are looking at a cheeseburger sub, from the Main Street Sub Station in Sayreville, New Jersey. Last night Chris Nieratko emailed us, frantically, and told us not to eat anything for the next 12 hours. 14 hours later, he arrived at the office bearing a greasy paper bag that positively reeked of ground beef and good tidings.

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The cheeseburger sub is a sub outfitted with the meat and condiments traditional to a cheeseburger, only multiplied and elongated to fit the submarine frame. The original cheeseburger sub was devised by an old man who ran the Sub Station from whenever he started it, through Chris's New Jerseyan childhood, up until a few years ago when he died (RIP). For several years the fate of the cheeseburger sub remained shrouded in uncertainty. But then, like Prometheus freed from his shackles, some new guy took over the Sub Station and restored the cheeseburger sub to its rightful place on mankind's lunch menu. Chris says that the new guy uses higher-grade beef in his cheeseburger subs, which slightly sullies the taste, but otherwise is identical to its progenitor. It's also got Russian dressing on it and it tastes like eating a Big Mac that never ends. You have no idea just how great our burps taste right now.

The only downside to eating cheeseburger in this format is sometimes you squeeze the middle too hard while taking a bite and half a cheeseburger's worth of cheeseburger shoots onto the floor. Amy got around this by applying a fork & knife to her cheeseburger sub, but we thought she was mocking the sub and so we refused to photograph her dainty method.

Here's all that's left right now. We put it in the fridge so it won't spoil while we're food-comatose. If you swing by in the next couple hours we'll let you smell it, but that fucker's going in our mouth at five sharp, so plan accordingly.

Thanks Chris!