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Vice Blog

VICE FASHION: FACE MASKS

There's this thing I do, when I'm not at Vice, where I put up medical supplies for this website whose name will go unmentioned. I put up a lot of crap, mostly wheelchairs, catheters, diapers, lots of funny stuff that wouldn't actually be funny if you had to use it. But a few months ago, when everyone was absolutely positive that the swine flu was going to wipe out all of New York just like whatever that weird disease Brad Pitt unleashed on the city in 12 Monkeys was, the press releases for these "fashion flu masks," landed on my desk.

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Here's an excerpt from their press release: Have you been wanting to wear a medical face mask to protect yourself in crowded places, but dreaded feeling foolish in public? Here Is the answer: gorgeous designer face masks for men and women in amazing luxury fabrics that actually look great on the face!

The masks are clearly extremely luxurious, and whatever the opposite of foolish is, but I'm still trying to wrap my mind around the photos on their news and PR page. From what I can tell, the owner-lady busted into some sort of depressing trade show stuffed with lower-tier celebrities, set up a booth and a sign and verbally molested the "talent" walking by until they agreed to take a picture with her.

Kate Linder could probably use a second mask to cover her teeth.

"Very wise idea!" That is just classic Richard Kind.

I am currently getting shit on at the office for not knowing who the hell Lorenzo Lamas is, but I want his last name and his daughter.

Knucks with Stephen Baldwin! No shit, maybe these things actually are cool.

I'm not entirely sure that's what J Love is saying right there.

Anyway, if a lack of celebrity endorsement was the only thing keeping you from covering your grill with a ridiculous mask last swine flu season, you'll be better prepared this November. You're welcome.

JONATHAN SMITH