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M: I'm 23, I study at LCC, I'm northern, I'm a fag, I like Mariah Carey and I aspire to be a television presenter.Do you remember the first time you encountered Billie?
The Joy of Teen Sex.Which episode?
The first. You know, it's funny. I stopped watching for a while, but my dislike for Billie made me catch up on 4OD just so I could hate on her.What is it about Billie that inspires such rage in you?
She comes across as very judgmental. She portrays this image of a liberal 'cool indie' girl but throughout the series she sat there judging everyone she interviewed. And her fake "edgy and cool" monotone voice. I just don't think she was suitable for that show. And I hate her smug "I'm so London" face. Although I must add, I quite like her hair.
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Yes, probably. But then I'm not a journalist on a TV show. I'm just a geek who made a Facebook group.So you'd like to be a presenter? Do you think that, perhaps part of the reason that you dislike Billie so much is that you're a bit jealous of her?
Not at all. I think she's done really well to get to where she is, and it's the complete opposite of what I want to do.What kind of show do you think would be more suited to Billie's talents?
Some kind of late night indie-music show. Where she interviews unknown bands.Billie does love late nights and indie bands. I could totally see that. One of your FB group's users said:


Oh gosh. I honestly could not say. Perhaps he knows something we don't?If Billie was a character on Bo' Selecta, what do you think her catchphrase would be?
MEHHHHH! FUCK OFF!My friend was working in a shop, and she didn't feel well so she decided to go home. As she was leaving she started to get really dizzy and when she stepped outside in to the bright sunlight, she fainted. Right at that moment, a white limo pulled up and Craig David stepped out and caught her. He was dressed all in white with a CD around his neck that said "CD" on it in diamonds.
Is that true?
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She'd probably spit in his face and then crawl away slowly back in to whichever hole she came out of.One time, Billie stayed over at my house. And when she got up in the morning, she used my dry shampoo. Like, all of it. I didn't care that much, because I don't use dry shampoo (it was a free sample) but she had no way of knowing that. How does that make you feel?
For this, I give her kudos.Even though she had no way of knowing that I would need to use it? Don't you think that's kind of cold?
She had more use for it than you. She has long hair. You didn't need it. Longest hair gets top priority. To be fair, dry shampoo is such a Billie JD Shower. I can just imagine her, covering her hair, giving it a whip, mehing in to the mirror and then going about her daily business.What if it had been my insulin? And she'd used the last of that? Well then I'd have taken issue. I mean that's a life and death situation. That would make her an attempted murderer, and she should go to prison.Isn't that just the kind of shit you can imagine her pulling though? I didn't like her in The Joy of Teen Sex, but I'm sure she's not a murderer.What if I got in to an argument with someone over my greasy hair and they murdered me. Should she go to prison then?
No. You should have had more dry shampoo.Who do you think would win a fight, you or Billie?
Probably Billie. I'm a lover not a fighter. I'd just hug her.What if you HAD to? It's the future and the internet has taken over the world. Internet feuds are being fought to the death in public arenas: The winners get to join the master race. Your life literally depends on it.
I think she'd probably still win.Oh. Well thanks for being perfectly reasonable and not saying anything that mean about Billie. Jerk.JAMIE LEE CURTIS TAETE
