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Lauren: A hundred dollars would be good for me. I’ve never had a hundred dollars before.Wolf: I would need around $95, $90.Will: However much you can fit in your pockets.Neighbor Girl: I’d need a hundred dollars. Nope… a million!Sadie: If I quit my job, I’d need five million.Lauren: I’ve never had money, so how am I supposed to know how much I need? I try asking my dad for chores so I can have an allowance, but he says “maybe” always. But it’s never. He says I don’t need money.
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Sadie: I’m going to be a gymnastics teacher.You won’t be making a hundred million that way!
Sadie: I would make a chain of a bunch of gyms. And I’d hire young people to be my teachers, like people still in high school or college, because they’re able to still actually do a back handspring and show their students. And I’d always check with my employees and make sure we understand each other and always use contracts. For now, I have lemonade stands and I sell stuff on eBay. And I’m starting a dog-walking business.What will you spend your money on when you’re an adult and responsible for your own life?
Sadie: My house. Clothes. Phone.Wolf: My pets. My family.Will: The Ugandan government.Max: Porn and guns.Bean: Knives, guns, and knives.Dora: Drugs.Is that your serious answer?
Dora: Seriously, I’m going to start a commune. I’m so high right now….Are you?
Dora: No, a farming and swimming and beekeeping commune.Max: Seriously, I’d fund experiments and expeditions.Lauren: I wanna be a barefoot mom! The dad does the job. The husband. Sadie, do you even want a husband?Sadie: I want my own gym. I don’t need a husband.Sadie wants a gym, Lauren wants a Jim. What will you do if you run out of money?
Sadie: Boom! Boom! I have firepower! If one job doesn’t work out, I’ll create another job, and another.
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Lauren: I’ll move in with Sadie. In a cardboard box.Sadie: It won’t be a cardboard box. I’m going to own a gym and a mansion, remember?The gym failed and the bank repossessed your mansion. What then?
Lauren: I’ll work at McDonald’s.Sadie: I’ll work at the gas station next to Lauren’s McDonald’s. Then we’ll wave to each other all day out the windows of our terrible jobs.Wolf: I already clean houses and take care of animals and sell my art. If I lost my money, I would do everything I can to get it back, any job I can find.Bean: I sell bow and arrows I make, and slingshots. But you don’t really need money to live.Dora: I get mine from my bitches. No, I do absolutely nothing. I find it on the ground. I don’t have any money, I don’t spend any money, I don’t feel the need to spend money. There’s always ways to survive without it. Dumpster diving, food pantries, homeless shelters. Eat bugs. I eat bugs anyway. I ate a beetle just because.Will: I play my violin on the street. People feel sorry for the urchin and toss dollars in my case. When that fails, I have my fallback plan of being a mime-slash-prostitute.What do you know about how much your parents make?
Lauren: I don’t know anything about it.Neighbor Girl: Maybe 14 dollars a day.Max: I have no idea. My dad spends a lot of money and I’m guessing he has a lot of money, but I have no idea how he gets it. He spends more than he makes. I think he has some secret other job, like a spy or something.
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