Photos Courtesy of Bad Dragon
Illustrations by Narse
Bad Dragon is a company that designs and manufactures fantasy adult toys in the most literal sense imaginable: giant sea monster cocks, scaly dragon-vagina Fleshlights, and neon orca penises that ejaculate mock cum, to name a few. This might seem strange to some people, but many of us have dreamed of having sex with things that don’t exist in reality. Who hasn’t fantasized about giving head to Trent from Daria or jerked off to Jessica Rabbit? By comparison, simulated dragon sex isn’t such a huge leap.
A guy known as Varka founded Bad Dragon in 2007 when he began crafting dragon dildos in his college dorm room in Scotland. Today, the operation sells hundreds of toys a month to customers around the world, making it possible to ream and be reamed by dragons, aliens, horses, snakes, aquatic anthropomorphic creatures with tentacles, and so on. Each toy is displayed on Bad Dragon’s website (bad-dragon.com) next to an extremely detailed illustration of the creature it was modeled after and a lengthy description of the creature’s supposed qualities and interests. Some of my favorites include Razor the Doberman—a bisexual and bipedal dog who’s the captain of his school’s soccer and basketball teams and moonlights as a stripper—and David the Werewolf, who wears a jean jacket and is endowed with some very serious testicles.
All of Bad Dragon’s toys are cast by hand, which means clients can custom order them in almost any size, color, and firmness. The toys are quite pricy, ranging from $60 to over $200, but, according to the overwhelmingly positive feedback on the website’s forums, they’re well worth it.
The people who purchase these fantastic fucksticks are furries, gamers, toonophiliacs, and fantasy freaks. I spoke with Varka, who now serves as the company’s CEO, and two of Bad Dragon’s biggest fans to find out what makes mythical cock so hot.
VICE: Why dragon dildos?
Varka: I was at university, and I started looking at sex toys to see what was available. I realized that there weren’t any well-made toys that catered to fantasy fetishes. Recently there’s been the Avatar-Fleshlight crossover thing and some other stuff like Twilight sex toys, but back when I started, the options sucked. Do you wish dragons existed so they could fuck you with their massive scaly dongs?
I have an interest in dragons and fantasy creatures, but I would define what I’m sexually interested in as “world building.” The main thing about role-playing games—like Dungeons & Dragons and Mass Effect—is that you take on a persona of your own and live vicariously through that alter ego’s actions. You can create anything—a new world. Elden the Faerie Dragon Who is your primary clientele?
The biggest single identifiable group is the furry fandom, but there are a wide variety of people who take an interest in our stuff. You’d be surprised how many find us through the darker side of World of Warcraft. But the common denominator between our buyers is that they find fantasy and nonhuman sex really hot. When I first looked at the site, I was surprised that you mainly sell cock-shaped toys. Fantasy sex, to me, seems like something that mostly guys would be into.
The typical gender split we see in our orders is about 70 percent male and 30 percent female. We get a surprising number of female customers coming out of the woodwork and getting really excited that they can get a miniature hot-pink sea-dragon cock. We’ve also had quite a few male customers say, “I’m straight, but I like things in my butt.” How do you decide which characters get the Bad Dragon treatment?
Sometimes a movie or a game will come out with a character that makes us collectively say, “Oh God, that’s hot. We really want that.” We look for inspiration in pop culture to see what people are into. For example, there are a couple characters in the Mass Effect games that people have gone absolutely crazy over. Of course, you never get to see what any of these characters’ cocks look like, so really we have this artistic license to create whatever we want. That’s what makes it so fun! I noticed that fans also submit their schematics and prototypes on the forums.
Since the beginning we’ve encouraged people to come forward with their ideas and work on them together on our forums, and if there’s a lot of support for a specific idea then we’ll make it. Can you tell me about that cum lube you make?
The lube is hilarious. If you look at the fan art of all these characters, it’s full of idealized fantasy sex with buckets of spunk everywhere, cocks as big as thighs, and screaming. I decided it would be fun to make the lube look exactly like cum to heighten the fantasy. I have a photo of a cum arc shooting out of a toy that must be five or six feet high. Are you surprised that your toys are so popular?
Not really. If you have something that’s hot but far outside the normal constraints of physicality, then people are going to jump all over it. What makes these characters so appealing is that we know so much yet so little about them. If you look into sci-fi, there are many cases in which you have some pretty raunchy alien sex going on, and the main reason it’s so interesting is because it’s so different yet so similar. David the Werewolf ALEXA, 19, lives in Las Vegas and is a college student studying cartoon animation. VICE: What is your favorite way to use your toys?
Alexa: Since I have two Dukes [a handsome black dragon who is also “CEO of an international modeling firm by day, adult entertainer by night,” according to Bad Dragon’s website], I love to double-penetrate myself. I’ll keep going at it until I’m about to pass out from all the orgasms. How does sex with Bad Dragon toys compare with fucking a human?
Despite how much of a kinky, fetish-loving, porn-watching lady I am, I’m a happy virgin! And I plan on staying this way, since I have no interest in people. Do you consider yourself a furry?
No, but I consider myself a toonophiliac and a fictosexual, so I find cartoon characters and fictional characters to be fine, sexy beasts. Nonhuman creatures are just so beautifully exotic that I can’t help but be attracted to them. What do you think about when you masturbate?
I’ve fantasized about Pyramid Head from Silent Hill, General Grievous from Star Wars, and Bowser from the Mario Brothers games. The character I’d most love to have sex with is Perfect Cell from Dragonball Z. I regularly masturbate thinking about him panting and moaning above me as he fucks me mercilessly. It’s getting me hot just thinking about it. Why do you like fictional characters more than real people?
With characters, you already know their personality and quirks. With people, you don’t know what the hell they’ll do or say, but the fictions can be however nice or vicious you want them to be in your own mind. Another thing for me is size. Perfect Cell, for instance, is at least seven feet tall and totally buff, which I find extremely sexy. In real life, a guy would have to be on fucked-up steroids to be that big, and that’s just not hot. No one likes a pimply back or ’roid rage.
“MasterHeretix,” 33, lives in Turkey and asked that his real name not be disclosed.
VICE: How many toys do you own, and what are they?
MasterHeretix: I have five Bad Dragon toys: Chance the Stallion, Razor the Doberman, David the Werewolf, the Gryphon, and Mary the Mare. I also own a canine dildo from another site. Do you consider yourself a furry?
Yes, I like anthropomorphic [aka yiffy] art, the community, and its acceptance. I love animals, and I enjoy that I can have another persona—someone I can portray in artwork and see do all these crazy shenanigans. Who is this persona?
My furry persona, or “fursona,” is an Australian shepherd dog. He’s in anthro form, meaning that he has more human characteristics than dog. He’s more or less like me, except more naive. Would you say the people who use Bad Dragon toys and frequent their forums are mainly furries?
It’s totally a mix. I have a partner who is not a furry, but he fucks his ass with a gryphon [a half-lion, half-eagle “king of beasts”] dick because he likes anal penetration, not because he wants to get fucked by a gryphon. He thinks gryphons are cool, though; they’re his favorite creatures whenever we play Heroes of Might and Magic III. Is sleeping with a mythical creature a fantasy of yours?
Totally! I mean, imagine it: You have a half-human, half-dog (or whatever tickles your fancy) with a nice hard cock wanting to fuck you. It’s so dominant and feral and it follows its instincts. Raw, unbridled sex turns me on. Have you had any bad experiences with Bad Dragon toys?
Back when I didn’t know about enemas and preparing, I had a shitty toy experience—no pun intended—and needed to stop and run to the shower. Other than that, no. How does sex with Bad Dragon toys compare with human sex?
It’s just different. The toys have more texture, more feeling, and last as long as you need them to. My partner is seven inches long, but what if I’m craving something that’s longer and thicker? I have my Chance for that. What if I want to be knotted? [This term refers to the base of a dog’s penis, which is wider than the middle of the shaft and is sometimes called a “knot.”] I have my Werewolf for that. It really all depends on what I want that day.