As we enter the first day of National Bird-Feeding Month, it's time to start thinking about the upcoming holidays. Specifically, what are you going to do for Valentine's Day?
Perhaps it's only hitting home now that you haven't had the foresight to book that weekend-long yachting excursion/lobster bake in the Maldives with your significant other(s). After all, the "p" in polyamory stands for "planning."
Sure, you've heard of this gimmick before. There are services out there that will ship people envelopes of mayonnaise, bags of dicks, and actual shit. But that's probably sending the wrong message to your loved ones on the day of Saint Valentine, who is apocryphally believed to have performed secret weddings for soldiers who were forbidden to marry.
Back to those taters. MysteryPotato offers a variety of tubers—from workaday spuds to sweet potatoes, and even a whole bag of Russets—each personalized with a message written in indelible ink.
And really, what better way is there to say "I love you" than with a dirt-cheap potato scrawled in Sharpie? Just one of these babies will run you between $8 and $12, depending on the varietal. But order now, because MysteryPotato notes that its potatoes take "7 to 9 days to arrive at their destination if they are US-bound." Oh, and they don't recommend eating the potato once it's arrived…
Ugh, fuck it. Just buy your own potato.