Photo by Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports
An unsuspecting Manchester United TV flack asked Wayne Rooney whether or not he expects Cristiano Ronaldo to retain the Ballon D'Or, FIFA's best footballer of the year award, and the conspicuously hair-plugged English striker felt compelled to use the moment to take a jibe at soccer god Lionel Messi."I'm sure it'll be difficult to give it to anyone else." Yes, you, for example, Roo."[Ronaldo's] had an incredible two or three years and I think he has certainly overtaken Lionel Messi now as the best player in the world." This from a hyperventilating captain who couldn't even beat Messi's less-accomplished Barcelona teammate Gerard Pique in a game of FIFA. Not that the opinion of an overpaid, tantrum-throwing EPL divo matters when it comes to two players from a soccer planet Rooney will never inhabit.In the last six years, either Messi or Ronaldo have won soccer's premier award. In those six years, Rooney has twice thrown a tantrum over leaving the Reds, collected six red cards, lost a £300,000 a year sponsorship deal with Coca Cola, and had the distinct honor of leading the first English side to get knocked out of the World Cup group stage since 1958. Obviously, scoring goals and winning was a lot to ask during all that mess, because—as Rooney so frequently whined—he either didn't have able enough teammates at United, or he had a teammate who was so good in Robin van Persie that he had to play the bridesmaid, which is no egomaniac's favorite role. Meanwhile, as his game collapsed, he had plenty of time to address and then re-address the issue of his receding hairline.In calling his former United teammate Ronaldo the best in the world, Rooney is perhaps trying to move past the 2006 World Cup, where Ronaldo got Rooney red-carded before he could even score a goal in the tournament. Indeed, he has shown himself to have the same forgiving nature that his wife Coleen displayed after a sex worker (who would go on to star in Big Brother) told media that Rooney paid her for a threesome while Coleen was pregnant.Thankfully, Rooney has lost some of his appeal in the tabloids, and certainly lost some on the field. His most recent World Cup performance was so sub-par that it helped promote a €18 Rooney Burger with the tagline: plain, nothing special, and overpriced. If he wants to tell people that Lionel Messi is not the best player in the world, that's fine—but keep in mind that Rooney is a man with so little self-worth that he is getting into ineloquent spats with Twitter trolls about body mass index. Ronaldo, meanwhile, winks from atop the La Liga tables. And Messi, waving his 2014 World Cup Golden Ball Award, sends his best.