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Sports

Parents Dress Baby Up as Scariest Thing Imaginable for Halloween: Jim Harbaugh

Neighborhood kids won't sleep for weeks.

As a general rule, it's best to dress your baby as something cute for Halloween—say, a pumpkin or a tomato. These parents decided to go against a very reasonable grain, however, and the result is absolutely terrifying.

"Oh, but he looks like a chubby-cheeked little Jim!" you might say. "It's just a baby wearing a grown man's clothes—it's funny!" You are wrong, my friends. You are horribly, horribly wrong.

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There is a legend about the man where I grew up. I'm from Oakland, and his kid went to my middle school.

There used to be a father-child basketball tournament called Runts and Grunts, which was amazing. I was a fat kid and sucked at basketball, and I still liked it. It was fun, it was playful. I could eat nachos after watching my dad do most of the work against kids who would later go to the California state championships.

But then the tournament was nearly discontinued. Why? Because of Jim Fucking Harbaugh.

Rumor has it that the man was playing a game when a kid (likely in the sixth grade) went for a layup, Harbaugh pushed the kid up against a wall and screamed at him. I don't know why. No one knows why. The legend goes that he just snapped, and that one moment almost ended Runts and Grunts… forever. Apocryphal? Maybe. Believable? Yes.

And can you imagine being that kid? You couldn't eat nachos for years, what with the hand-tremble you'd have acquired from having a grown man neck-bulgingly scream at your face.

So as far as I'm concerned, dressing your baby up as Jim Harbaugh is just about the sickest, most sinister way to raise a child. Congratulations to them. Go Minnesota.