VICE Guide to Life

People Told Us About Their Most Traumatic First Day of School in Six Words

“Was nervous. Puked into my bookbag.”
September 18, 2018, 3:36pm
Illustrations by Brandon Celi

Welcome to the VICE Guide to Life, our imperfect advice on becoming an adult.

Some people look back on their school years with warm nostalgia. Others remember school as being a complete, merciless hellhole. Most of us, it stands to reason, fall somewhere in the middle. But if pressed, we could come up with one particular fraught moment in our educational career.

We asked friends and co-workers to tell us their most traumatic back to school story in six words. Embarrassing memories still haunt many of us; things like losing control of one’s bodily functions. Others winced recalling abusive teachers and cruel classmates. One thing’s for certain: reading through these responses is enough to give anyone a serious case of the back-to-school jitters.


“Lied about homework, teacher choked me.” - Razin, 24

“Asshole jocks knocked over my wheelchair.” - Jason, 26

“Accidentally showed up one day early.” - Johnny, 33

“Freshman. Sister, a senior, ignored me.” - Julie, 34

“I got hung by my underwear.” - Timmothy, 17

“Got in fight with ex-best friend.” - Jordan, 31

"Punched in gut by school bully." - Michael, 24

"Realized everyone in my grade sucked." - Tara, 23

"Ex was in all my classes." - Naeem, 27

"Summer beard. Mad principal. Forced shave." - Sean, 30

"Shirts versus skins. Was fat. Skins." - Mike, 25

“Sat by crush. She moved seats.” - Howie, 29

“Was nervous. Puked into my bookbag.” - Kate, 32

“Broke out in terrible chicken pox.” - Heather, 38

“Some kid farted, I got blamed.” - Kim, 37

“Just moved, new school, my birthday.” - Sarah, 42

“Co-ed swim class, sixth grade.” - Jason, 36

“Homeschooled so 'school' never actually ended.” - Julia, 35

“Guidance counselor lit me on fire.” - James, 30

“First ever period. Very bloody skirt.” - Jessica, 42

“Gum in hair, missed the bus.” - Heather, 43

“Kindergarten: threw up on school bus.” - Allie, 26

“Sharted in my first AP class.” - Sab, 24

“Shit my pants in middle school.” - Andrew, 26

“Teacher mocked me. Hyperventilated; hospital admission.” - Joan, 54

“Class bully spit in my hair.” - Olivia, 41

“Swim class. Almost drowned. Class laughed.” - Pete, 32

“Wore white pants. Sat in chocolate.” - Beth, 32

“I forgot to set the alarm.” - Luwi, 23


“Picked on to answer teacher’s questions.” - Sergio, 22

“Female teacher gave me a wedgie.” - Kyle, 19

“Bullied for dressing like a boy.” - Lauren, 32

“Someone called in a bomb threat.” - Billy, 23

“Teacher hit me with her car.” - Kelsey, 34

“I broke out in hives everywhere.” - Noah, 29

“Suspended for something I didn’t do.” - Liz, 41

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