How does one describe Katie Price? You could start by saying that Katie Price is the most English possible celebrity. Having initially risen to fame as a glamour model and Page 3 girl (for friends outside of our tiny slice of hell: Page 3 is a page in the tabloid newspaper The Sun where women pose topless) under the pseudonym Jordan, she has become a national treasure. She has written six autobiographies, including one released as recently as last year. She was married, for a time, to 90s pop star Peter Andre, after they met on a reality television show.
Katie Price is at least 63 percent made up of the kind of hair extensions you can buy off Facebook. She is the human equivalent of a bodycon dress. She is the patron saint of tits – for these reasons and more I love and am obsessed with her. And the reason I am talking about her now is that Katie Price has decided that she is going to be a pop star. Again.
Her first bite of the pop cherry, alongside then-husband Peter Andre, resulted in this:
Having taken some time out of the music game, however, Katie is back this week, with a new single "I Got U," which was written by someone who used to be on X Factor. She was interviewed about the track on Loose Women (honestly I would really hate to be a non-Brit reading this right now – Loose Women is basically a mothers' meeting that takes place behind a desk, where someone will occasionally say something racist. It's sort of our version of The View). And there, Katie mentioned that her management had actually warned her against releasing it. She added "It won't be a flop. I'm confident. The truth is, I'm doing this because this is my passion. I've always wanted to be a pop star or a model, and I'm doing it because I can do it and I will do it. It's not about money."
Here is "I Got U":
If you have managed not to tear up at Ruth Langsford trying to join in with the clapping you have done better than me.
As is probably clear, neither "I Got U" nor Katie herself will be burning up the charts anytime soon. However, that is so far from the point as to be almost invisible. The real moral here is self-belief. Imagine believing in yourself so much that you willed yourself to pop stardom (the autobiography money, admittedly, does help a great deal) – and really, how many relatively new pop stars in the year 2017 can actually sing besides Ariana Grande? Katie Price is an inspiration; her pop career is a lesson in bigging yourself up to the extent that nobody can drag you down. So next time you're feeling self-doubt, when you think you're not on track, I want you to shut your eyes. And I want you to hear "I Got U" in your stress-addled brain, and I want you to whisper to yourself: "What would Katie do?"
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(Image via YouTube)