Graphic design by Noel Ransome
When I asked women to share the worst openers they've received on Tinder, most of them had a collection of screenshots ready. That's right, when you say stupid shit, women will not hesitate to screenshot on sight. (Also, they're definitely showing friends said screenshots.)I sat at my desk with my mouth agape saying "holy shit" over and over as women sent me screenshots and told me stories. Most I spoke to had a plethora of bad experiences I had to choose from.
While I've had my own questionable convos with matches on Tinder, it's good to know that a number of women share the unfortunate experience of receiving cringe-worthy openers. Warning: there's no Whole Foods- Master of None smoothness to be had here.
It was cheesy. I have no problem with people using Tinder for casual sex, and I think that message clearly communicated in what way he wanted to get to know me… But I prefer a genuine and honest vibe for a casual time than this try-hard to prove he's chill and funny. I know that people have tapped into that humour… But it's so clear when [there's] a line. People should just be themselves. —Rebeka, 23
"Soo I have to tell you that I'm not good at predicting weather… but even with it being spring, you can still expect 7" on any given night"
I sent him one, and of course he blocked me after. I'm not ashamed of what I look like, and if fat girls aren't for you then keep it moving. —Liz, 26
"You have a lot of facial pics, which are nice, but too many girls try to hide what they look like. Can I see a full body pic?"
You don't know anything about the person. Just because she doesn't respond, doesn't make her a bad person. Any insults as a form of defense mechanism just shows weak character. If you're that volatile over a small online interaction, I question what your character will be if we start dating more seriously and getting into fights. —Dorothy, 28
"*Normal greeting*… *Doesn't receive response*… I hate when people don't reply. What is going on in your mind? You don't care? You have so many guys contacting you? Is this some kind of manipulation by delaying response? So narcissistic and disrespectful."
I hate when people make assumptions about the kind of sex I like. I get it a lot because I'm so alt-looking. Like, no: I want to be made love to on a bed of roses, then I want you to spank me and choke me while I call you daddy. Don't assume. —Fae, 25
"Well you look kinky as fuck! Like your tats as well, a bit different from the norm."
[It's] pretty obvious why that didn't work. I think, one, it narrows women's trust in the process. And two, I'm already going into it trying not to be killed and worn as a skinsuit. —Ashton, 31
"How long have you been on Tinder?… Well, may I be the first to offer you money for sex?"
I had an animal-like rage reaction to that word for some reason, and nothing good would have come out of me responding. I think about that word every single day for no reason now, and I'm so mad. —Celia, 26
"Hey there Tinderella"
It's creepy. You wouldn't walk up to a woman in real life and say that ever. —Angela, 24Follow Allison Tierney on Twitter .