Graphic design by Noel Ransome
When I asked women to share the worst openers they've received on Tinder, most of them had a collection of screenshots ready. That's right, when you say stupid shit, women will not hesitate to screenshot on sight. (Also, they're definitely showing friends said screenshots.)I sat at my desk with my mouth agape saying "holy shit" over and over as women sent me screenshots and told me stories. Most I spoke to had a plethora of bad experiences I had to choose from.
It was cheesy. I have no problem with people using Tinder for casual sex, and I think that message clearly communicated in what way he wanted to get to know me… But I prefer a genuine and honest vibe for a casual time than this try-hard to prove he's chill and funny. I know that people have tapped into that humour… But it's so clear when [there's] a line. People should just be themselves. —Rebeka, 23I sent him one, and of course he blocked me after. I'm not ashamed of what I look like, and if fat girls aren't for you then keep it moving. —Liz, 26You don't know anything about the person. Just because she doesn't respond, doesn't make her a bad person. Any insults as a form of defense mechanism just shows weak character. If you're that volatile over a small online interaction, I question what your character will be if we start dating more seriously and getting into fights. —Dorothy, 28
I hate when people make assumptions about the kind of sex I like. I get it a lot because I'm so alt-looking. Like, no: I want to be made love to on a bed of roses, then I want you to spank me and choke me while I call you daddy. Don't assume. —Fae, 25[It's] pretty obvious why that didn't work. I think, one, it narrows women's trust in the process. And two, I'm already going into it trying not to be killed and worn as a skinsuit. —Ashton, 31
I had an animal-like rage reaction to that word for some reason, and nothing good would have come out of me responding. I think about that word every single day for no reason now, and I'm so mad. —Celia, 26It's creepy. You wouldn't walk up to a woman in real life and say that ever. —Angela, 24Follow Allison Tierney on Twitter .
While I've had my own questionable convos with matches on Tinder, it's good to know that a number of women share the unfortunate experience of receiving cringe-worthy openers. Warning: there's no Whole Foods- Master of None smoothness to be had here.
"Soo I have to tell you that I'm not good at predicting weather… but even with it being spring, you can still expect 7" on any given night"
"You have a lot of facial pics, which are nice, but too many girls try to hide what they look like. Can I see a full body pic?"
"*Normal greeting*… *Doesn't receive response*… I hate when people don't reply. What is going on in your mind? You don't care? You have so many guys contacting you? Is this some kind of manipulation by delaying response? So narcissistic and disrespectful."
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"Well you look kinky as fuck! Like your tats as well, a bit different from the norm."
"How long have you been on Tinder?… Well, may I be the first to offer you money for sex?"