There’s an over-memed cutaway scene from 30 Rock that involves Steve Buscemi as an undercover officer at a local high school. “How do you do, fellow kids?” he says, walking up to a group of teens with a skateboard slung over his shoulder—and a second one under his arm. His greeting is met with a standoffish "What?"
In reference to that scene, there’s a Comic Sans-heavy subreddit called—what else?—r/FellowKids that collects lame attempts by brands and advertising agencies to connect with Today’s Youth, and although this Subway Canada misstep isn’t the most egregious we’ve ever seen, it’s definitely the saddest.
A few days ago, Canada’s finest purveyor of flavorless sandwiches posted a four-item poll on Twitter, asking its 135,000-plus followers to “Pick your bread bae.” Of those 135,000 followers, exactly zero of them responded. “Maybe the most impressive thing I’ve ever seen,” Barstool Sports’ Coley Mick tweeted.
Although it’s hilarious to drag their trash polls (and their unimpressive sandwiches), we’re starting to think that this was just a weird-ass attempt to troll everyone. Exactly one minute later, Subway Canada posted a second poll asking “Your Greek must-have is…?” and it got zero votes too, which makes us think that the polls had to run for, like, one second. Then, perhaps Subway Canada just leaned back, folded its arms and waited for hot takes like this.
Normally, we’d stan anyone who pulled off some moderately entertaining bullshit, but Subway Canada has gotten straight-up salty in its replies. “Damn nobody voted,” one guy responded. “omg really” Subway wrote, just a few minutes before it called someone else “pretty embarrassing” for “rude tweeting at a brand.” Subway.
Subway: STOP TRYING TO BE WENDY’S TWITTER. You aren’t Wendy’s Twitter.
And speaking of Wendy’s Twitter, the iconically savage fast food social media account popped up with an @-reply of its own. “To be fair, getting no votes has gotten this way more attention than getting some votes would have,” it wrote. “Kind of brilliant when you think about it.”
For what it’s worth, when the account runs a real poll, people actually do respond. In February, 5,208 people clicked to let Subway Canada know that they loved their Turkey Bacon Club in Sandwich form, not as a wrap. OK, yeah, maybe that’s sadder than that no-vote thing.