Red Sox Advance to World Series, Nation Teeters on the Brink of Disaster

There's a storm coming, Harry. We'd all best be ready when she does. - Rubeus Hagrid, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

The Boston Red Sox are going to the World Series after making quick work of the 100-win New York Yankees with a 3-1 series win in the ALDS, and a similarly efficient 4-1 series win over the 103-win Houston Astros in the ALCS. They are nothing short of a juggernaut. Offense, defense, pitching—it doesn't matter, plays will be made when they need to be made. No matter who comes out of the National League, it feels like a foregone conclusion: the best team in baseball all year will also be the last team standing. What happens next, though, is terrifying.

We've been building to this moment, perhaps too afraid to acknowledge anywhere outside our deepest and darkest thoughts, but Boston (and "New England," ugh) sports are once again in the middle of a dominant run. Even before he left for Los Angeles, LeBron James needed seven games to fend off the Boston Celtics in the Eastern Conference Finals. With LeBron gone, the Celtics have the best chance they've had in years to get back to the Finals. The Red Sox could be getting their World Series rings right around the time the Celtics start their postseason run.

The New England Patriots. I really could just stop the thought there, but the master of time and pliability is still under center, Rob Gronkowski is still half football cyborg/half walking meat locker, and they still play in the AFC East. The Kansas City Chiefs look like they could be up to the task of taking down these giants…but do they really? Are you going to count out Touchdown Tom?

Then there's the Boston Bruins, who play a sport where an expansion team went to the Stanley Cup Final. They are neither great, nor terrible, and in the insanity of the Stanley Cup Playoffs, it is entirely possible they go on a run and win the Cup.

Friends, I cannot stress enough that this nightmare scenario must not play out. We are all touched by this, whether through friends, or coworkers, or family members—we all know someone who will never fail to bring up the time three (fine, four if you care about hockey) Boston teams won their respective championships at the same time.

The Red Sox could be the first domino to fall and they must not be permitted to do so. Think of this like the Cold War, but this time the domino theory is totally sane and legit. So I say to you today: We are all Brewers fans! (Because fuck the Dodgers (unless the Dodgers win and then…we are all begrudging Dodgers fans!))

Unless you have a fandom invested in these remaining games, you really should be rooting for the Brewers anyway. And honestly, even if you're a Dodgers fan, consider taking one for the team, guys. Our nation turns its lonely eyes to you, etc. Christian Yelich, marooned in despair his entire career in Miami before being traded to Milwaukee is now an MVP in waiting, and the Brewers are trying everything, by hook or by crook, to eke out wins. Imagine the possibilities what they try to cook up as they scheme their way to wins over Boston? What a narrative! Baseball David picking up his slingshot to take on Baseball Goliath.

So tonight at 8:39 PM eastern, ask not what sports can do for you, ask what you can do for sports. Go Milwaukee. Go Brew Crew. Go America.