Alligators are just like us. They’ve been known to stop by the local Whataburger or come along for a quick beer run, and they’re onto the merits of Waffle House. But one can only eat so many hash browns, and just like that dude from college who now bros down with natural wine instead of Natty Light, or your friend from high school who's recently discovered cheese plates through Instagram, the alligators of Florida have also developed a taste for the finer things in life.
Late last week, a couple planned a picnic along the banks of Lake Alice in Gainesville, Florida. A pre-deployment send-off, the picnic included a feast of cheese, salami, guacamole, watermelon, and grapes. But because it was Florida—where alligators seemingly just chill everywhere, from the pool at your AirBnB to creeks and the ocean—their romantic evening was ruined by an alligator who wanted to get in on their multi-course spread.
As Trevor Walters told WGFL, the alligator first "annihilated an entire block of cheese" (honestly, same), before moving on to the salami, half a watermelon, and a full pound of grapes. (This gator: a Big Mood.) "The worst part is, we had a big bowl of guac made," Walters said. "He put the whole bowl in his mouth." For most people, the worst part probably would have been the sheer proximity of a huge, hungry alligator, but given that avocados are the most expensive they've been since 2017, this guac heist was a tragedy.
Just a day later, in the city of Clearwater, Mary Wischhusen woke up to a loud crash, only to find that an alligator had broken into her kitchen—and specifically, into the wine cabinet. As Wischhusen told Fox 13 News, the alligator smashed "the good stuff," which was her selection of red wine. "The alligator did suffer minor cuts to a shoulder, but the majority of the red liquid on the floor in the photos was wine," a spokesperson for Clearwater told Fox.
It's not clear what happened to the gators after they each gorged on their respective spoils of fancy human food, but we can only hope that fate will bring their paths together—after all, they've got pretty compatible taste.