Greetings, crispy little fall leaves! Welcome back to another installment of Sale Section Bingo, where we furiously hunt through our bingo boards for only the tightest stuff that's a big deal this week, if you know what we mean. Hoard those extra dollars in your piggy bank, and use them to buy a deep-tissue massage! You're worth it.
This week, our best-of-the-best sale finds include a plethora of pleasurable streetwear, the rollerblades you've been meaning to start cruisin' around on, a comprehensive emergency survival kit, and a gazillion-percent-off fan-fave vibrator. Enjoy!
A zippy e-bike that's $200 off
Yes, some e-bikes—especially the dorky folding ones most often seen between the legs of tech bros—rate highly on the cringe-o-meter. But have you ever ridden one of these peppy little bastards? They're actually amazingly convenient and fun, especially for city slickers who don't wanna show up drenched in sweat to a date or the function. This Velowave (maker of several super highly rated e-bike models) hybrid bike—meaning you do a little pedaling, and the battery gives you a big boost, even on hills—is the #1 new release hybrid bike on Amazon right now, and it's a whopping $200 off if you clip that coupon. Another big bonus: it's only 36 pounds, which is way lighter (and easier to maneuver up apartment stairs) than most of its competitors.
A psychedelic rug that we wanna trip out on
Novogratz makes some of our all-time fave retro rugs and furniture, and this flatweave number is no exception. It manages to be both a sexy, mid-century statement piece and a neutral piece of decor that will kinda match with anything. And this week, it's 62% off.
The Vans collab we can't get outta our heads
OK, Vans does have some super-solid collabs, from their Bad Brains Sk8-His to their colorful kitchen shoes with Hedley & Bennett. But we love that for this team-up with London-based record The Trilogy Tapes, we get the iconic Chukka LX's with subtle upgrades, from the TTT logo on the midsoles to the deep olive green suede uppers (or black, if you're the type that only wears black kicks). Right now, they're marked down big time, plus you can take an extra 20% off at checkout.
A camping chair that only weighs two pounds
Yep, you heard that right. This breezy little bro weighs the same as a hearty Mission-style burrito, and folds up into a carrying case that comes with you anywhere and everywhere: the desert, the forest, the beach, the movie screening in Hollywood Forever cemetery.
Harrison Ford would be proud
These Bladerunner Rollerblades feature a supportive shell, a padded liner, and an easy closure system. They’re wicked on sale, and they’ll get you from point A to B in the most fun way possible (though we can’t promise they won’t be lost in time like tears in rain).
A mini clitoral toy that feels like A+ cunnilingus
We know a thing or two about sex toys that feel like receiving great oral, and Better Love makes a number of the finest examples of clit suckers and swirlers. This pocket-sized number is perfect for stashing in your nightstand or bringing when you travel, and the reviews, uh, speak for themselves. Here's a choice one: "I had my first orgasm using the Mini Zip! It has CHANGED MY LIFE! I squirted and everything. I can’t believe it. I’m 28 (29 in 3 weeks) and I thought I was broken because I couldn’t cum. Well, it turns out that men, unfortunately, don’t cut it and this is everything. BUY IMMEDIATELY." OK, fine, we will!!! Especially since it's 73% off right now.
A picnic table for squirrels
That's it. That's the product. Complete with a "funny mirror" and a "corn cob holder," this thing is pretty much guaranteed to provide hours of Chip 'n Dale: Rescue Rangers-style entertainment.
In case your in-laws show up unexpectedly
We’re no stranger to the beautiful, deranged world of (casual) doomsday prepping, so believe us when we say this 200-piece emergency survival kit by AOKIWO is exactly what the doctor ordered (provided your doctor ordered a military knife, saber card, tactical pen, multi-function paracord bracelet, first aid kit, and much, much more stuffed into a bag made from military grade nylon that’s on saaaaaale).
For decking out your bed when you finally get your mattress off the floor
West Elm's beautifully designed, vaguely mid-century home decor always feels like the first step toward being A Real Grown-Up™ with their OWN APARTMENT™™™, and constructing a cozy, aesthetically pleasing bed set-up should be top priority. If you're not the type to regularly change up your duvet cover, a great compromise is grabbing a quilt that you can drape over your comforter for an air of sophistication. This one is made with flax linen, features timeless stripes in a lovely neutral beige, and is helllaaa marked down.
Disclaimer: Do not attempt to carve
This cast iron pumpkin cocotte is a perfect statement for both a Friendsgiving banger in the desert and a parents-meet-your-new-boyfriend soiree. It’s also, like, half off.
Your shot clock is on Jerry time
If you spend a lot of time going hard in the (tie-dye) paint, this seriously discounted Chinatown Market X Grateful Dead Border Banana Basketball is for you.
And what other flag are you going to run around and wave after you lock in your Olympic gold?
Waffles sold separately
This Everlane Waffle Tie Dye Tee is a perfect summer-fall transitional piece that says “I’m chic enough to shop at Everlane, but I’ve also tried shrooms.” Oh, and it’s big time on sale RN.
For masterful sucking
Dyson makes the Good Vacuums. The Dyson V8 Absolute vacuum cleaner features a soft roller cleaner head for hard floors and a motorized cleaner head to remove dirt, weed crumbs, and dandruff (just kidding) from carpets. It also runs for up to 40 minutes on a charge, so you can crank an entire murder podcast and pretend not to be turned on while you clean the house. Plus, it’s $70 off right now.
We’re gonna need to ass you a few questions
First of all, where was your ass on the night of the 14th? If the answer isn’t “getting gently splooshed by a hi-tech bidet,” we’ve got business to finish. No bidet in the house? What an awful life you must live. JK—we didn’t hook up our ass blasters until recently, and we couldn’t be happier with our purchase. (Plus, they aren’t all super expensive.) Bio Bidet is having insane sales on some of its best sellers, including $174.75 off the Bio Bidet Bliss Remote Controlled Toilet Seat and $162.25 off the side panel version.
Snort up the savings! See ya next week.
The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story.