Western view from “her” bathroom from one of the upper floor staged apartments at Rafael Viñoly’s 432 Park Avenue.
Andi Schmied: Her persona evolved very organically. First of all, I needed a name that would not lead to me when it was Googled, since I have art projects that would have made me a bit suspicious as a potential buyer of luxury real estate. I ended up using my middle name and keeping my surname, which worked perfectly when my passport was checked at the entrance of certain developments. In order to be able to look for huge apartments and penthouses—I needed a child, so I ended up having a son. In 2016, it was just a background pic on my phone; a baby picture of my nephew. But by 2020 I actually had a son in real life. I used his real name when agents asked about him. And they had a lot of questions about him since that is somehow a convincing technique to create these personal imaginaries, like, “Imagine your son would run around in this apartment, coloring books, singing...”
Northern view of Central Park from one of penthouse master bedrooms at Rafael Viñoly’s 432 Park Avenue.
Southern and western views from one of the upper floor master bedrooms at Rafael Viñoly’s 432 Park Avenue.
Central Park view from the 100th floor Private Ballroom of Central Park Club. With 1550 feet, Central Park Tower, designed by Adrian Smith and Gordon Gill Architecture, upon completion, will be the tallest residential tower on the planet.
I actually had no doubts that I could get in. I only started to think it might not be possible when friends from New York (including a real estate agent) said that they would never let me in without a proper financial background check. But as it turns out, they only do that for cheaper properties, since the ultra-rich would never disclose bank papers before things get serious. So, agents are left with a Google-check or calling up one percenters in the client’s country of origin.
I find especially horrendous all the buildings of the architect Robert A.M. Stern. They all sell out in an instant, and [marketing material about his buildings] claim that the towers that he designs are “inspired by the historic residences of New York.” They are built with his signature limestone-clad facade, golden details everywhere, but ultimately, they feel like some sort of yearning for a past of gentlemen’s clubs, horse races, and royalty.
Clouded northern view of the Met Life Tower from one of the upper floor living rooms at Kohn Pedersen Fox Associates’ Madison Square Park Tower.
Northern view of the Empire State Building and western view of the Hudson River from one of the upper floor staged living rooms at Cetra Ruddy’s One Madison.
Northern view from one of the upper floor master bathrooms at Time Warner Center designed by Skidmore, Owings & Merrill.
Since all these buildings are pretty much the same, one of the ways they still try to stand out is by offering totally crazy amenities. An absolute standard now is the golf-simulator room. Also, there is a huge race about who has the most exclusive private residential restaurant in house. Three years ago, at 432 Park Avenue, they proudly told me that the restaurant is overseen by a Michelin starred chef, Shaun Hergatt. Last year, in Central Park Tower, the agent explained to me that in the private residential restaurant there will be a rotating chef—every two months a new one, all Michelin starred.
It is very strange because many, many real estate agents got in touch with me, but none that I had viewings with. The ones that contacted me did it only to say that they loved the project, which surprised me but felt good. Some [realtors] considered themselves privileged because they can see those places, and they thought that everyone should be able to see them. Others are just simply frustrated with the industry they are in. The book reveals quite a lot about all the marketing crap about these buildings and many realtors find this segment of their profession as problematic as I do, I think. Agents at these levels can gain millions from only one sale, therefore they themselves are also part of the so called ultra-high-net-worth individuals and live the same deluxe lifestyle as their clients. They have this strange celebrity culture around those specific agents (even TV series), and as I understood from the responses I got in emails from some of them, they hate this, and it's great to reveal how much bullshit is going on in this sphere.
Northern and eastern views from the staged living room of the largest penthouse at Zaha Hadid’s 520 West 28th Street.
Southern and eastern corner views of the Hudson River, New Jersey and downtown from the sitting room at Cetra Ruddy’s One Madison.
Northern view of the Central Park from one of the upper floor living rooms at Adrian Smith’s and Gordon Gill’s Central Park Tower still under construction.

