We Made DIY Bongs to Celebrate Things That Are Shit

We Made DIY Bongs to Celebrate Things That Are Shit

It's 4/20 and here at VICE Australia we're making bongs from stuff laying around the office.
April 19, 2017, 11:57pm

Bongs are shit. Even fancy artisanal bongs are shit. They're all shit, but that's kind of the point. Like cheeseburgers, Kappa tracksuits, Las Vegas, boxed wine, hand jobs, and The Bachelorette, everyone, on some level, likes bongs just because they're shit.

Bongs remind us not of who we are, but who we were. They remind us of getting high at vaguely threatening house parties. Of throwing up in playgrounds. They remind us of vacant lots and beaches and the scrub behind schools. Bongs are a caricature of a bad time but somehow they also make us laugh. Is it because the nostalgia of youth romanticises their negatives? Or is it because it's just so funny to say BONG? Either way, the human brain has an alchemic way of rebadging bad things as good, which we've embraced, and instructed people at the Australian office to build bongs from crap we found laying around. Also we did this because it's the international day of marijuana: 4/20.

First up, a selection of bong-building photos.

Ok, that's enough bong-building photos. Here are the results.

VICE: Hey Jacob, tell us about your bong.
Jacob: This sparkling elephant disco ball bong came solely from the desire for a bit of glam. Fluffy feet, feathers, and reflective tiles were some of the much needed assets to keep the user distracted from the fact they're mostly inhaling melting styrofoam.

Hey Maddison, tell us about your bong.
This bong is very No Logo, very "culture jamming" with the McDonald's cup and the Gucci logo. Very now. One tip though—if you're making a bong out of a soft drink cup that was fished out of the trash—just make sure there's no Coca-Cola left at the bottom. It is… not a pleasant surprise.

What do bongs represent to you?
That I'm a winner.

Hey Mahmood, what is this?
It's a volcano bong. Fate sacrificed this plant so that it would be married to a plastic spray bottle, giving birth to a smokey contraption that elevates anyone who chooses to indulge. Also it might serve as a redemptive or subconscious nod to all the science projects I failed in high school.

When you hear the word "bong," what do you think of?
Lee "Scratch" Perry YouTube clips at .75 speed, dirty water, Choc Whirl Maccas Frappes and Billy Bong Thornton from Half Baked.

Go on Micah, tell us about your bong.
The inspiration came when I remembered my first job as a bricky's labourer, watching all the guys punch cones at smoko. Imagine if they didn't have to do that. What if they could punch cones while working? So this thing was born. For labourers on the job. Further development of the prototype needs to be done and I'm looking for sponsors, but so far no replies from any of the major work wear labels.

Hey Simon, what have you done?
Hewn from a single piece of artisan plastic, this stunning water pipe puts the fun in functional. Not only will it make Adam Sandler films watchable, but you can also tip your dirty bong water onto your garden, making sure the grass is always greener.

What do bongs mean to you?
Bongs are the embodiment of man's struggle to surpass his earthly limitations. They also make you cough your balls up and get you super high.

Julian, what the fuck is that?
It's a fruit salad bong. It's also a disappointing bong because the watermelon split during construction and I had to tape it together. Did you know watermelons grow under tension? No, but that's science for you: annoying.

What do bongs mean to you?
Well I wrote the article intro so apparently I think they're shit. But watermelon is delicious.

Hey Ramona, tell us about your bong.
My bong is a single chamber water-pipe constructed from a Berocca canister, a custom built aluminium cone-piece. Its hit-rate is extraordinarily efficient. Punching a whole cone with this thing is not for the faint-hearted.

What do bongs represent to you?
Bongs represent the scungy but ultimately free part of my early teenage-hood. All the boys I crushed on had one in their room, sitting trophy-like under their *insert preferred nu metal band here* poster flag and always in desperate need of a clean. Some were beautiful works of glass art, and others were Gatorade bottles.

Thanks Ramona. And happy 4/20 to all.