Restaurant customers can be dicks. What is it about paying for the privilege of walking into a building and ordering food that turns ordinary people into full diva-mode Mariah Careys, ready to hissy fit over a misplaced side of potato wedges or threaten legal action because no one mentioned the aiolia contains dairy?
We may never know. But one thing is for sure, hospitality workers go HAM when it comes to letting off steam about how shitty that eight-seater table of drunk city workers was last night. And, if this year's additions to Restaurant Confessionals are anything to go by, who can blame them?
Among the unreasonable demands, demon children, and outrageous sense of entitlement, it's hard to crown the single most dickish customer of 2015. But we'll give it a go.
Straight off the bat is one of the year's strongest contenders: the guy who thinks he knows better than the restaurant's entire wait and kitchen staff.
He comes in a number of guises: the finger-clicking asshole who must be seen to immediately, the the delicate flower who can't possibly sit in a walkway, or the classic, know-it-all foodie. He's been to Italy, y'know. He can tell you that this pasta isn't cooked al dente.
But this guy is small fry compared to the weekend brunch customer. As any waiter fresh off the Sunday morning shift will confirm, there is a special corner of hell reserved for people who spend four hours eating customised eggs Benedict orders without tipping. And no, it doesn't come with bottomless Bloody Marys.
You know what's worse than a time-oblivious table of brunch customers, though? Their kids. Every last slobbering, screaming, bathroom-ruining one of them. Just one shift spent dodging crawling toddlers while carrying plates of steaming food would turn Mother Teresa herself off the little darlings.
Devil's spawn aside, it's sadly female hospitality staff who often find themselves facing the brunt of dickish customer behaviour. Many waitresses will have encountered the handsy customer or creepy drunk on a late-night shift. Not cool.
But it doesn't have to be this way. You can do your bit to erase the world of entitled restaurant customers and steer us into an existence that sees waitstaff and diners get along in perfect harmony. Tip what you can, mind your manners, and always, always be nice to your server.