Tyson Fury Quits Boxing and Invites World to "Go Suck a Dick"

Suppose it beats a weepy TV interview with Sue Barker...
October 3, 2016, 1:58pm

When athletes retire, they tend to do so with an outpouring of emotion and sentiment. There are open letters to their fans, tears after their final appearance, and a lucrative autobiography filled with feeling.

But not Tyson Fury. Tyson Fury invites you to go suck a dick.

The current heavyweight champion (for at least a few more days, or possibly hours) recently pulled out of his re-match with Wladimir Klitschko after being declared medically unfit. A story subsequently broke alleging that Fury had tested positive for cocaine and would soon be stripped of his belts.


That is a serious charge. And so Fury responded by posting an imagine on Twitter that shows his face pasted over that of Scarface protagonist Tony Montana, posing in front of a fuck-off massive pile of coke and licking his lips. Which, if we're being quite generous, does count as a kind of response.

Fury has now used social media to announce his retirement from boxing, which included some choice words about the sport, a few swears, and a baffling reference to the TV show Happy Days (perhaps because Fury has jumped the shark?)

Of course, it is very, very unlikely that this is the last we will hear on the Fury retirement story. Given Tyson's past behaviour – and the fact that he has publicly invited us all to suck a dick – it can be expected that he will withdraw, then re-assert his retirement several times.

On a considerably more serious note, given that Fury's withdrawal from the Klitschko fight was reportedly down to his psychological health, it must be hoped that someone is looking out for the boxer. He has said some certifiably stupid things, but he deserves to be protected during what we can assume is a difficult set of circumstances.