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Vice Blog

BERLIN - BEAR-FACED CHEEK

If there's one thing that we hate, it's moochers who slouch around all day and expect to be given shit for free. That's why we hate Knut the polar bear cub. Since being born at Berlin Zoo he hasn't lifted a paw and with his sloth-like attitude, no wonder Knut's mum rejected him. Unfortunately some hippie zoo-keepers took pity on the bone-idle bear and decided to bring him up themselves. He's since been coasting on his cuteness; hand-fed fish, free massages and warm blankets. His potty-trained, bottle-fed existence is an insult to the proud polar bear species; the world's biggest carnivore ordinarily decapitates its prey…


Photo by REUTERS

Well, thankfully, some animal rights activists have called bullshit on Knut's little charade and are demanding that the little brat be put down. They say that the cub's human-assisted lifestyle is unnatural and he would never survive in the wild.

In the end, Knut will probably win over the populace with cheap tricks (cutesy photo ops, playing with a ball, being adorable). But we see through your game Knut. And remember, you won't be cute forever, lazy fuck.