Talking to Nardwuar is like trying to have a conversation with a pinball machine, which is fun. It's also frustrating because when you play pinball you can tilt it so the balls will go where you want them to, but with Nardwaur you can't do that. You can't tilt Nardwuar and you can't stop his brain from thinking! His band the Evaporators are on their way east to play a couple of shows in Toronto, Montreal, and Ottawa. Dates below, after we talk to him.VICE: Hey Nardwuar, I just read an interview you did with Nikki Sixx where you ask him whether he’s ever honked the horn of a boat with his cock like Tommy Lee, and Nikki Sixx is all, "I don’t know what you’re talking about, man" and you’re like "You know, when Tommy honks the horn of the speedboat with his cock, Nikki Sixx!" It was the funniest thing I read that day.NARD: Thanks! I actually ended up doing an interview with Tommy Lee and asking him directly about it, and we named an Evaporators record "Honk The Horn". Check it out.What was the last record you bought?Thor: Live In Detroit. His live record from 1985 just got re-released. He helped me interview Gene Simmons. The last time I saw John Mikel Thor he told me that a guy in Portland told him that Heath Ledger studied tapes of me to model his role in Batman after me.That's an auspicious suggestion. Hey, what did you do with that photo you took with Snoop Dog and Bishop? You looked so happy to get that photo.It's on Nardwuar.com. The last interview I did with Snoop he actually invited me over to his house. And the one time when I thought I might be able to go Snoop was busy attending, believe it or not, an Anaheim Ducks hockey game. Snoop's gonna make a movie about an all-black hockey team called Black Ice, so that should be pretty amazing.I had no idea he was that into hockey. Is this a recent development?Actually, if you look on the internet, there is a video of Snoop in 1990 or so on the Arsenio Hall Show wearing a Toronto Maple Leafs jersey.I couldn't find the interview you did with Tom Green anywhere but I heard that it didn't go so well.Well, Tom Green is one of my idols. I love him. So when he was coming to Vancouver to shoot the movie Bob the Butler I thought, "Man, I gotta do an interview with him." I talked to his buddy Big Stuff, who was in the band Organized Rhyme and lives in Vancouver and he gave me a whole bunch of great tidbits to ask Tom Green about. So I began the interview and at the end of the interview, he did a couple jokes about Drew Barrymore or something. Interview over. I got my photo taken with him and I drove home. They were shooting a concert scene on the set that night so there were like 200 extras at the Malkin Bowl in Vancouver. Later that night I get a phone call from the producer saying, "Hey, Tom Green wants the tape of that interview back and in fact, he's not gonna shoot his next scene, he's not gonna leave his trailer until he gets a tape of that interview." I thought "Oh my god. He's on the set of a movie. There's 200 extras waiting for him to shoot a crowd scene. I don't want to get sued if Tom Green doesn't want to leave his trailer." So I said "Fuck it. I'll just give him the tape." We returned the tape to him. The next day, he reviewed the tape, erased five minutes of the tape and then returned the tape. It was totally bizarre. Do you think Tom Green has ever been asked to return a tape?I have no idea.It was him pulling a hissy fit. This has happened before. In 1994, when I interviewed Skid Row, Sebastian Bach destroyed the tape of the interview. In 1999, I interviewed Quiet Riot, they destroyed the tape. So, two heavy metal bands, and five years later, in 2004, Tom Green. What's wrong with this picture?Maybe he felt like an asshole for the Drew Barrymore jokes?He claimed that I was waving his divorce papers in his face and making fun of him. I thought it was really pathetic. You know, me, an independent journalist, getting hassled like that. He was like that once himself. I still wanna finish that interview though.Let's finish our interview, too. Do you think the way a person does or doesn't respond to "Doot doola doot doo" says something about their character?I'm just happy if they go "doot doo." Like, remember Courtney Love? Doot doola doot doo… fuck you." And The Transplants "Doot doola doot doo… fuck you," or Afrika Bambaataa, funk legend, I was like "Doot doola doot doo," and he went "Fuck you." Or James Brown, "Doot doola doot doo," and he's like "I'm not gonna go whop bobba looba a whop bam boom." That one was amazing. So I think it does actually tell a bit about them. Some people won't do it, like the guy from the band Lamb of God would not do it. And actually Rob Zombie would not do it. I kept going "Doot doola doot doo, doot doola doot doo." It was a phone interview. He actually did something kind of clever. He left the room but he didn't hang up on me. He left the phone on speaker. I kept going " Doot doola doot doo, doot doola doot doo." Finally, somebody comes in and goes "What's going on?" And I say, "I'm talking to Rob Zombie." The guy on the other end says, "He left like 20 minutes ago." So ask, "Who are you?" and he says, "I'm in the band Korn." So THEN I'm like, "Well, doot doola doot doo…" and the guy's like, "Doot doo." Then it ended or whatever.The Evaporators dates:Pop Montreal on October 3 at Bar St. Laurent
October 4: Ottawa ON, Dominion Tavern
October 5: Toronto, ON, Trash Palace (all ages show at 4pm)ARASH
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October 4: Ottawa ON, Dominion Tavern
October 5: Toronto, ON, Trash Palace (all ages show at 4pm)ARASH