Evilangel.com/enterbelladonna.com
Dir: Belladonna
Rating: 11 Do you know why people love buffets? Aside from them being retardedly inexpensive, all-you-can-gorge glutton fests? It's that they have a little something for everyone. If you like fish, they got you. Meat and potatoes, sushi or Italian or stir-fry—you're good to go. This DVD is sort of the same thing only it's the greatest lesbian buffet ever made. And Belladonna is the best whore of a hostess since Mae West. First off, she's pregnant. And not a little pregnant. I'm talking a whole lot pregnant. I'd say a good seven months in. You know, just far enough to eventually shatter the kid's world when he sees this DVD some day and cause him to go postal and kill everyone in his path. But you have to give her some credit, she's somewhat of a classy mom-to-be, it's not like she's fucking dudes or she-males on film (which she once did), it's just girls. There's nothing wrong with a little girl-on-girl action when you're pregnant, at least that's what the Bible says. And Belladonna does try and keep the lesbian action fairly romantic. I think the best example of that is the last scene, when she puts five golf balls up Melissa Lauren's ass. After the third one you don't think she's getting any more up there but sure as shit she finds a way. Getting them out, though, makes the inserting look easy. Have you ever lost something up a girl's ass? It's like pulling the E-Brake at 100 mph. All fun and excitement comes to a grinding halt. I've heard stories from friends that work at hospitals of people coming in with all manner of things lost or lodged in their butts, from frozen fish to Barbie-doll heads. It's hard to keep your composure after losing something in the brown void, yet when it came time for Melissa to shit out her golf balls and only three came out, they just kept on truckin'. Without flinching, Bella stuck her fingers up Melissa's ass and started fishing around for the two lost balls. No luck, so Melissa sticks her whole hand up there to see what she can find. Nothing. Belladonna tries to assist by sticking her hand up Melissa's pussy, pushing on the center divide with the old "OK, I'll push, you pull" maneuver. Sure, enough the fourth ball drops. But no sign of the fifth one. After a few more minutes of probing for it, the girls are like, "Fuck it, it'll turn up," and they move on, grabbing next a specially made wooden baseball bat with a head of a penis carved onto the thick end, the end that gets shoved up Melissa's ass. Meanwhile, no sign of the golf ball that's lost inside her, possibly making its way up into her digestive track. Fuck golf, they're playing baseball now. It's like the blonde thinks she's fucking Bo Jackson or some shit, more concerned with the achievement than her well-being, which makes me think I wouldn't mind standing on an Iraqi battlefield holding an M-16 with her by my side. Or whatever. After such amazing, dirty, lesbian whore sex Belladonna is courteous enough to clean Melissa off by trying to drown her head in the toilet because, I guess, if the unborn kid ever does see this movie he'll know that his mother was, if nothing else, concerned with keeping things sanitary.