Most skateboarders would agree that skateboards are radical to the max. But what do the people not involved in skateboarding think? "Why should I care?" I hear you say, and rightly so. Who cares? Who gives a heck what the ballerina thinks of boxing gloves? Or what the shark thinks of television? Who cares what the cat thinks of my haircut or the tilt of my penis? Who cares? No one cares. But the fact remains that I had to review these six decks without damaging them. They had to be in a resalable condition so I could move them on eBay. So in the interest of paying my rent, I went for a walk around the block and asked the general public what they think of these boards.
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Bowl Troll Series
7.75" - 31.5" Reviewed by my barber Peter from Peter's Hair Styling Vice: Peter, what are your first impressions?
Peter: It looks OK to me. Yeah, but what else?
You should ask my grandsons what they think about it. But, it looks OK to me. What do you like about it?
Who is this guy here? I don't know. Just some evil dude, I guess.
Looks like one of those cartoon characters… I think it's okay. What don't you like about it? Is there anything you'd change?
No. No?
I wouldn't change anything. It's OK. What would you give it out of ten?
I would say, as far as I know about these things… I would say ten. Ten out of ten?
Yeah. You wanna take it for a shred?
Would I like to try it? Yeah.
No. Can I ask you something?
What? Have you ever done a Mohawk?
Oh yes, I've made Mohawks. How many Mohawks have you done?
I don't know. Like… 50?
I've done a few. How much does a Mohawk cost these days?
The same as any other cut. Do you want one? No.
That's fine.
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Ricky Oyola, Green 8
8" - 31" Reviewed by my dentist, Julian. Vice: What do you think of this skateboard, Julian?
Julian: Who's Ricky? This is his pro-model.
What? It's like… Michael Jordan has a shoe. Ricky Oyola has a board. Get it?
Is he good? Yeah. He is.
I don't know about this. Do we really need to see his name? That's just how it is. The pros put out boards with their names on them.
But will that make you skate as good as Ricky? Maybe. Probably not.
So, he's that popular that if you have a Ricky skateboard it makes you… hip? Yes. That's how it works.
And you become pro instantly? No. You'd have to practice a lot.
What is this "Traffic" thing? That's the name of the company that makes the board.
I like that. I like the "Traffic"… Graphic. Do you like the color?
I really like the green. Overall what would you give this board out of ten?
The front or the back? The whole thing.
Ahhh… Okay, just give me the top first.
The top I would give about an 8. And the bottom?
I would give that… say… an 8 also. So 16 out of 10 is what you're saying?
Yes. Can I have some Vicodin now?
What's the fascination with Vicodin? What are you doing with it? Drinking.
Well, I don't have any. Try the pharmacy.
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