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Vice Blog

SEVEN SONGS I CAN'T BELIEVE EXIST

CHESTER FRENCH, P DIDDY, CLINTON SPARKS, JADAKISS -

"CIROC STAR"

Ciroc is a brand of Vodka. According to Wikipedia, they were stupid enough to give P Diddy a 50% share of their company in exchange for his endorsement. FIFTY PERCENT! It's worth an estimated $100 million! Is it because they're French? Is he still popular there or something? And what THE FUCK is happening toward the end of the song where he just starts talking about nothing? I can't find lyrics online, (seriously, it bombed that hard), but does it say, "and the cold cuts? where they at? I always wanted to say that on a record"? Maybe I misheard or it's some hip-hop reference I don't get. Still, here are some other lines which are definitely fucking insane: -

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What's life if I can't be drunk? What's life, if I can't get jipped up? - If ladies are topless, they showed ID. - Call me Wall Street P. - The world's best premium vodka, gotcha! - Hey yo, Chester French, bring some of those girls to my room man! We on tour, baby! - I got a car full of girls in the car.

I actually feel kind of bad putting this on here, because it's giving this shitty vodka publicity. And there's always a chance that some of you might go out and buy some Ciroc. But please, please, please, PLEASE don't buy Ciroc. Not even as a joke. I beg you. Oh, and also, there's a documentary to accompany this song called "Cirocumentary." Good one, guys!

WICKED WISDOM

- "

SOMETHING INSIDE OF ME"

I saw an interview with Jada Pinket a while ago where she claimed that people were mocking her band because they're racist. To test this theory, I imagined Katie Holmes, (the closest thing I could think of to a white version of Jada as they're both actresses who are married to gay Scientologists), in a Sevendust t-shirt singing nu-metal songs about child abuse. And you know what? I didn't find it funny AT ALL. I guess I am racist. Make sure you watch this video to the end. Letterman's reaction is priceless.

JEREMIH

-

"BIRTHDAY SEX"

I just started typing out the best lyrics from this song, but soon realized I was writing down the ENTIRE song. I can't believe this is a real thing. I heard this on the radio the other day too and there were entire censored sections that I didn't even realize were dirty. Like, there's a part where he says: "First I'm gonna take a dive into your water deep". What does that mean?

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LMFAO FT. LIL JON - "

SHOTS"

The first time I heard this song I was in Cancun, during spring break, on St Patrick's Day, in an Irish bar. Can you imagine how intense it was to hear this song in that environment? I really love the parts in the video where they're squirting vodka in to chicken head's faces with a Super Soaker. Grim.

TILA TEQUILA

-

"I LOVE YOU"

My boyfriend has just finished trying to convince me that this isn't a joke. I'm still not sure if I believe him, (she raps about MySpace), but on the off chance that it isn't, I'm including it here. Fuck, can you imagine if she isn't joking? I'm not sure my brain could take it.

COLTON FORD -

"LOSING MY RELIGION"

No matter how many times I hear this, it's still funny to me. Even without the video. I put it on my iPod and every time it comes up on shuffle, I have to take a two minute breather because it makes me laugh so hard. Typing this now, I'm laughing and it's been at least six months since I first saw it.

GWEN STEFANI - "

HARAJUKU GIRLS"

Can you imagine how many people must have heard it before it came out? Like, HUNDREDS. And not one of them took her to one side and said, "Er, Gwen, maybe a song about keeping Asian women as pets isn't a good idea?" Did I justimagine it, (because I really, really, really want it to be true), or at 3:35 does she pronounce "clothing" as "cRothing"?

JAMIE LEE CURTIS TAETE